𝕭𝖊𝖜𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍𝖊𝖉 | Draco Malfoy x Reader

☾ 12 | Alone

"Are you alright Y/N? You hardly touched your food." Luna flicks her eyes from your full plate towards your blank stare. You lower your fork and shove the plate forward. You respond with a shake to your head. 

Your heart feels heavy. Life seems to move slow and you have no drive for anything. You jolt when you feel a pair of hands clasp your face. Luna slowly turns your face to look at her. The dirty-blonde haired girl stares directly into your eyes. "Let's go talk. We haven't had a proper girl talk in some time." Luna speaks softly with a gentle smile.

Easily you find yourself tearing up with a nod. Luna flicks away your tears and pulls her hands away. She laces her right hand with your left and pulls the two of you out of the dining hall. The two of you make your way to the astronomy tower. It's your most favorite place in Hogwarts. 

Hardly anyone bothers climbing up the staircase to reach it. Thankfully with the time being late there's no classes in session. Luna and you find the place empty. You inhale the crispy winter air. It'll be December next month. Soon everyone will be sent off to return home for the holidays. 

You'll return to an empty home. Your last living main family all deceased. Most of your life is spent in a foster care for wizards and witches. Now that you're 17 you can live on your own. But the place can hardly be called a home. You couldn't afford much asides a hole in a wall. Figuratively speaking of course.

The sky is pitch black with speckles of stars that shine brightly. Even the full moon shines beautifully over you. You feel as though it's mocking your misery. Luna remains by your side, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before letting go. "It's a beautiful night." Luna whispers. 

You nod in silence, your eyes looking above. Luna doesn't speak further. She remains patient like always. Gathering your thoughts together, you inhale deeply before answering her question that she's asked back in the dining hall. "I'm not okay Luna." Your single sentence is full of deep emotion. 

There's a frown that paints on your face when you continue to stare at the night sky. "I've had a lot of terrible thoughts swirling in my mind these past few weeks. Towards myself and towards the ones I care for deeply. I even found myself interacting with someone I feared. All because I was only thinking about my own feelings." 

You refrain from mentioning too deeply about Draco and your deal. Casting your eyes down, you stare at your shoes. "I so desperately wanted to find a way to slip into Ron's heart. For the longest I thought him and I would be together. The goofball Gryffindor and the shy Ravenclaw. We've shared so many memories and secrets. The best of friends." 

Slowly your brows furrow together. "But something changed over the years. Hermione and Ron became closer through their troubles. The devastation of running away from the evils that surround Harry became something I couldn't relate to. The three became a close pact. Something I couldn't even think to be a part of." 

Memories begin to jog your mind. From your first year to now. Ron and your relationship became standstill. While on the other hand Ron and Hermione's grew as the years went on. Your thoughts begin to churn as you think. What if you were in Gryffindor? Maybe then you could've grown closer to Ron. 

You shake your head and force your eyes closed. There's no use in thinking like this. You speak again with a shaky breath. "I genuinely mean it this time. I'm letting go of Ron. It's very clear Ron and Hermione are meant to be together. The way they look at each other...their concern for one another. It's real and unchangeable." 

The frown on your face deepens when you feel a wave of sadness wash over you. Saying it out loud is bone chilling. Slowly you crouch down and begin to cry. It starts off quiet but gradually loudens. "I can't change the fact that I was too late to tell Ron my feelings." Tears stain your face and you don't even care how ugly you may look. 

You pound your fists against the cement beneath of you. Of course you can't change the past. You know this. There's no kind of magic that can. If there is, it will be too powerful. There's also no magic strong enough to heal your broken heart. You've looked. 

"Why...Just why is time never on my side?" You plead out to no one specific. Time failed you not just this time. But also during the time you lost your parents. You lost them at a young age. Your grandparents had dropped you off back at your parents after one summer weekend. Only for you to witness their death when a drunk driver rammed their car directly into your home. Your parents were in the dining room setting up the dinner table. 

If only you hadn't returned home at dinner time the two may have been safe out of harms way in their bedroom upstairs. The two would have no reason being downstairs. Not only that you were there to witness your grandparents passing too. The two already having terrible health conditions. They hardly had enough money to keep the heat on one winter and insisted you take their only heater. 

It's no surprise the two caught a cold. They were already so frail that their bodies couldn't fight off the sickness. You cried your eyes out while holding onto your grandmothers freezing hand. The two passed alongside each other in bed. After witnessing so many deaths you began to see creatures you never could. 

You saw them often and they terrified you. But thankfully there were a few kids like yourself in the foster home who saw them too. Recalling these memories of how lonely you are just sets things in deeper. You're truly alone in this world. No one can love you more than yourself right now. But sometimes that's too much for you to bare with. 

Luna crouches down in front of you. You feel her hand gently stroke your back as she envelopes you into a hug. She says nothing as she rests her cheek against the top of your head. No words can be said to heal you. You wish to snatch your heart out of your chest so you can feel nothing.

All you want is for someone to love you just as much as you will love them. You wish to feel a sliver of warmth from another person. Not physically but mentally. The happy warmth of knowing there's someone who loves you to the moon and back. The kind of warmth you once received from your past loved ones. You long forgotten how it feels. 

Is there anyone who will be excited to see you every waking morning? Is there anyone who will be happy to be your home? Just...one person. That's all you're asking for. Is that too much to ask for? 

Your sobbing fills your ears as your body trembles considerably. You let out all of your pain as if this is the last moment of your life to cry. But deep down you know tomorrow nothing will change. You'll still be alone. You'll still feel this pain. 

The only change is that you're a little more sad than normal. But within time, you'll heal. Right?