The Billionaire Throuple

Andreas Santiago

He places my hand around his neck. "You control me. Do anything, except leave me."

I pull back my hand and turn away from him. "That's not real control. If you wanted to, you could kick me out and I'd have nowhere to go. I'd die without you and you know it."

Sam scoots away to give me space.

I pull my knees in to my chest. "It's the same as pinning me down. I only liked it when I knew I could stop you. Well, I can't anymore."

Sam doesn't say anything, but I don't know if he agrees. He always goes silent whenever he senses an argument. That way, he stays in control. It might not bother me, if my heart wasn't the same way. All this time, I thought I controlled my body, but if that was true, I could stop my heart from killing me.

"Argue! Say something, dammit!" I shout, slamming my elbow into the wooden headboard, "Make me believe I have control. That's what I need from you!"

Sam flinches. His eyes follow my arm as I pull it down to my side. It stings a little, but I'm not hurt. He says, "I won't grab or touch you again without your permission. So long as I keep my word, you have to believe you have control."

I lower my head to stare at my knees instead of him. "I'm disgusted with my body. I won't ask you to touch it, but if you stopped, it'd kill me."

"I don't know what you want then."

"Stop telling me I can't leave you," I say, "It makes me feel like shit. I'm dying and I can't control that either. I don't want to die knowing I failed the only person who loves me."

I bite down on my lip and start heading to the bathroom. If I stay around Sam any longer I'm going to cry. I promised myself that I'd be happy around him.

"See? You've all the control!" he shouts at my back, "You're allowed to make me feel guilty for wanting you to live. You get to walk away while I stand here, trying in vain to figure out a way to be fine with you dying."

Sam's words stop me in my tracks. He's right. I'm not sure if he's arguing because I told him to, but it doesn't matter. This is clearly something on his mind.

"I'm not afraid of what happens when I die, if anything happens at all, but I don't want to die. Ask me why." I wait until he does. "Because dying means I don't get to be with you anymore and you're the best thing that's happened to me." I force my eyes shut and cover them with my hands. "I'll survive until I can't, for you! If you don't believe that, then I guess I'm a shittier person than I thought I was."

I run into the bathroom and lock myself inside. I hold back sobbing long enough for the hiss of the shower to drown me out.

*****

After I finish showering and getting ready, I leave the bathroom, naked, with the brightest smile I can muster. It's real. I made sure of it. I thought of more than enough reasons to smile while I was in there, but I only needed one. He's standing by the bed, right where I left him. Sam's face is blank, but only for the moment it takes his to copy mine.

"I know what I want." I nod until he does the same. "Until I get a heart, I want you to control me, every aspect of my life. You have to make me to get up everyday. You have to make me stay in shape. You have to take care of me. I trust you more than I trust myself." He continues to nod, only much slower, which makes sense. I did a complete one-eighty. "But... You also have to agree not to blame me or yourself, no matter what happens." I extend my hand out to him, still smiling. "Agree to that and I'll be happy with anything."

His brows furrow, showing doubt. "Even pinning you down?"

"Especially pinning me down," I say, grinning suggestively, "If you're making me workout everyday that better be part of the damn regimen." He laughs and shakes my hand. I pull him in and he holds me until I pull away. "Now, get ready! I have an amazing date planned for the three of us and I want to leave on this wave of energy."