Aimless (JJBA)

8 Over and over

He didn't know that so many positions existed, or he could feel so good for so long.

He didn't want to let go, and he didn't want to come back. He wanted to listen to their breathing forever.

He felt someone pat his back and say, "See you around. Call me when you're in the mood again."

He responded with a, "Mmhm."

Footsteps walked away.

"This was really fun," another voice said. "If you want to do this together on our own, I'll be down for that instead." It was the new guy.

A hand caressed the space between his neck and shoulder.

Jotaro hummed and nodded.

The footsteps walked away.

That's when Jotaro noticed that he was sit on the man's lap with his head on his shoulder. He noticed that he was rubbing himself on him quite a bit. He hummed as he sat up, pulling himself out of his arms.

"Had fun?"

He reached up for his hat, but he couldn't find it. He inhaled sharply as he began to look around.

"Oh," the man said. "It fell off. Here." He passed him his hat.

Jotaro placed his hat on his head. He pulled his hat down enough to shield his eyes. He cleared his throat. A salty taste was in the back of his throat. He also tasted beer. He climbed off of his lap and laid down on the bed.

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

"Water," Jotaro struggled.

The man quickly got off the bed. He came back with two bottles of water.

"Anything else? I can help with clean-."

"You can go," Jotaro interrupted.

The man paused as if contemplating something. Then he said, "Okay. Rest well." He put on his clothes and left.

There was silence. Emptiness.

Jotaro laid there until he finally decided to open the water bottle and drink. He wanted to stay in bed, but he needed a shower. He felt uncomfortable feeling the residual body fluids and lube on his skin.

He dragged himself out of his bed and walked straight into the shower. When he came back, he pulled the sheets off of his bed. He replaced the sheets and laid back in bed.

The thoughts of the day flew through his head. The fact that the thoughts came back frustrated him. It was like the time he spent with the men was temporary. The warmth disappeared when everything stopped. Then there was emptiness and now guilt.

He sighed as he laid there in bed. He was tired, but he wasn't sleepy.

Usually, he would work to distract the thoughts during the day. It was a decent way to repress the negative feelings during the day, but that didn't work so well today.

He wrapped the covers around himself tighter.

He worked, then he slept, and occasionally slept around. Was he really satisfied? Then what was the point in working? All this effort, for what?

He just cycled right back to emptiness. Over and over.
And over.
And over.
And-.

***

When Jotaro woke up, he found himself in bed. He heard breathing from the corner of his room, so he sat straight up alarmed.

In the seat brought from the living room was Kakyoin. He was reading a book. He looked up from his book with a concerned expression. He got up from his seat and walked over to the bed. He sat down beside Jotaro. "Hey... How are you doing?"

Jotaro felt stiffness on his face. He reached up and felt dried, crusty tears on his face. "Why are you... here?"

"Your door was unlocked," Kakyoin answered. "You wouldn't answer your phone. I thought someone attacked you, but you were just sleeping. Well, a little more than that." He passed Jotaro a tissue. "Here."

Jotaro wiped his face of the dried tears.

"Are you okay?"

Jotaro stared at him back, unable to figure out whether to tell him what's on his mind or not. He looked down at the tissue in his hand. "Can we just not talk about it?"

Kakyoin stared at him as if trying to process what to say. Then he said with difficulty, "Jotaro, I'm worried about you. I can't 'just not talk about it' with you." He reached his hand and placed it over Jotaro's. "You looked like you were in pain, when you were sleeping. Is there something bothering you?"

Jotaro tried to think. He looked down at the hand that covered his. There wasn't anything specific. He just wanted his privacy, but that was thrown out the window. But he could tell that it was something before all that. But he couldn't pinpoint it. He just didn't understand.

"Jojo?"

"I don't know." He clenched his teeth as frustration rose. "I don't know." When he looked up at Kakyoin, he saw the pity in his eyes. It caused him to feel helpless as he didn't want his friend to look at him like that.

But he didn't know what was wrong.

"Maybe we should talk to someone. We can get some things straightened out."

Jotaro looked back down at Kakyoin's hand over his. He pulled his hand away. "My business was already out in the air." He laid back down and exhaled. He was so tired. "I'm not talking to just anyone. I don't think I have the energy for it."

"Okay," Kakyoin replied. "That's fair. Get as much rest that you can, okay?"

He nodded as he closed his eyes.

Before Kakyoin could get up, Jotaro grabbed his hand.

"Hm?"

Jotaro said quietly, "Can you..." He couldn't ask him. Not Kakyoin of all people.

Kakyoin said, with a soft smile, "I'll stay until you fall asleep. How about that?"

He exhaled in relief. "That's fine."

"Good."