missing piece ✓

TWENTY EIGHT

My heart sped up as blood rose to my cheeks. "Get out of my room!"

"You should be thanking me, cupcake Blake." She mocked and I threw one of my shoes at her, missing as it hit her slammed bedroom door. Sighing, I walked over and picked it up, throwing it back into my closet just as Liam stepped out, steam filling the room. "You take the longest showers ever."

"They're just fun." He smiled and I laughed, walking over and sitting on the bed. I tried to avoid looking at his toned body and the tattoos that wrapped around one of his arms and another that fell down his waist and into the towel. I wasn't looking, I wasn't. "I can see you Blake, stop trying to hide it. I know you're checking me out."

Rolling my eyes, he stepped forward and placed hands in my hair just as Sarah opened her door and screamed. "Use protection!"

Flipping her off, the door slammed shut.

***

A couple of hours had passed after dad came home and mom told him to leave but he refused saying this was his house too, intel from Sarah. She had told dad that I was sick from the rain and to not go in my bedroom, thankfully, he complied.

It was risky, but I was just too exhausted to care. My head laid on Liam's chest as he played with my hair, making my eyes feel heavy. Music was playing from Max's room, him and Stacy probably having a dance off or something like usual. One time they even invited me to join and I had to admit it was probably my only decent memory with Max, apart from him helping me collect the pieces of paper off of the floor. "Hey, are you okay?"

I sat up slightly, using his still bare torso for stability. "What?"

"After, you know," He whispered, pointing outside my window to the road we were screaming at each other on a few hours ago. "That. How are you holding up?"

Shrugging and sitting up fully, leaning my head against my bed frame, I looked down at him as his eyebrows drew together in concern. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine."

Silence was all that came afterwards, us sitting on my bed together as the heater blasted, rain softly pattering on the window. "Did you mean it?"

He hummed in confusion as he looked at me, green eyes big and I explained further. "Am I the strongest person you know?"

Fingers intertwined with mine and then rested on his thigh, my lips curved upward slightly and so did his. "Of course I did, cupcake. You really are."

Relief washed over me at his confirmation. It wasn't just a heat of the moment thing, he really did mean it. "Thank god."

I looked over at him but his expression hadn't changed, one still morphed into worry as he frowned. "Hey, what's going on? I've noticed this and, why does that matter so much to you? You know, strength."

I let his words sink into my head. Strength. Why did that matter so much to me?

I knew why, I just couldn't talk about it. It's like whenever it's mentioned I struggle to breathe and suddenly I'm frozen. Words trying to make their way out of my mouth but are instantly stopped, and shoved right back in by some force.

Suddenly I was in that room again and all I could see were the crimson walls around me, the red was everywhere I looked. All I could see.

I'd had panic attacks sure, all the time. They were frequent, but they were always expected. The slight tingle in my toes, the way my hands shook a little just as my breathing became slightly uneven, this one just came out of nowhere and suddenly, I couldn't breathe anymore.

I was in that god awful room again, and I desperately wanted to get out.

It was awful, how someone could just do that to themselves with no thought whatsoever, and honestly, I was heartbroken. A little angry, but mostly heartbroken. It takes a lifetime to die and no time at all.