R e n e g a d e s 🕯 High&Low

vol.30: Hopeless

「Let's start again, we could be the renegades.」

"What's going on?" Cobra's gaze landed on Yamato.

I sent the taller male a pleading look, silently begging him not to tell Cobra what I had just said but he completely ignored me, meeting the blonde's eyes. "She wants to turn herself over to Kuryu."

"I won't allow that," Cobra replied quickly, stepping toward me with his dark eyes boring holes into me.

"Even if it could save Sannoh?"

"It won't. Kuryu wants Sword, with or without you." He stepped up in front of me, gently lifting my chin so he could inspect my nose. "What happened?"

"I got punched..."

He hummed, gently pressing his thumbs on either side of the bridge of my nose. I winced lightly when it throbbed with pain. "It's not broken. Go inside and clean up."

I nodded in understanding, keeping my gaze on the ground as I entered the diner, making a beeline for the bathroom. Despite trying to avoid it, I caught my reflection in the mirror, frowning in disgust. I've never really been able to stomach the way I look despite years of attempting to love myself. I just don't understand how people can love their looks, how they can be confident in themselves. It just seems so impossible to me.

I shook my head and leaned over, turning the tap on so I could wash away the dried blood. That meant having to check my reflection to make sure I got it all, though, and I refused to look up from my upper lip. Once I was done, I turned and headed back out into the diner. All of Sannoh was gathered so it was pretty crowded with few places left to sit.

Tettsu noticed me and scooted over, patting the spot between him and Dan. I smile gratefully and I settled between them, leaning my arms on the table. Tettsu glanced around the room. "So... the battle is finally over, right?"

Dan nodded but then he frowned. "Although... this time, the Iemura group..."

Chiharu stood a foot or so away from Cobra, his head bowed and a deep frown on his lips. "I'm sorry. Because of me... I will settle things for myself." he paused and it was obvious that he was struggling to get the words out. "I'll... leave the Sannoh Rengokai."

I frowned, exchanging a look with Tettsu.

"Oi." Yamato stood up from where he had been sitting across from Cobra, taking a step toward the smaller male.

He swallowed hard, his voice soft and sad. "I've always been alone, without friends. That's why... being friends with you guys made me really happy."

My heart really went out to him because I could relate. As a child, I never fit in with any of the cliques despite changing myself drastically to try and match them. I became a hermit, interacting with only a handful of people such as my boss and the employee at the bookstore. I've always been alone, so I understand the happiness he felt when he joined Sannoh because I feel it, too. These guys... they make me so happy, driving away all the loneliness I've felt over the years. I've become terrified of losing them even though I know I can survive in the sea of loneliness without them.

I can survive, but I don't want to.

"So, I couldn't stand myself considering the fact that I deceived you guys." Chiharu's voice was trembling. "Honestly, I wanted to tell you earlier, but... the SD card was found and when I realized it, I found myself running away." He swallowed hard, trying to hold back his tears. "For it to have become this way... I'm really, really sorry." And then he bowed at the waist, eyes screwed shut.

I couldn't take it anymore. I shot out of my seat so I could approach him, my eyes meeting his watery ones. Words escaped me and, honestly, I doubted that they would be of much help right now so I pulled him into a hug instead. He buried his face into my shoulder, fingers clutching the back of my jacket. The room had become tense, all eyes on the blonde leader as they waited for his response.