My Reincarnated Life Is Wrong, Source: Me

Episode 1

"Hikigaya Hachiman!"

"...Y-yeah?"

The fuck?

She just called ME... by That Name... 8man's... a-and I just auto responded to it.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

'That's not true! That's imposable!' No I don't want to search my feelings Kyon!

My reality is now crumbling before me... I barely held back the urge to scream at Sci- (no I can't run from this) at H-Hiratsuka Shizuka sensei, to take responsibly for unintentionally breaking me.

...So yeah..., I'm panicking! I almost screamed in Hiratsuka Shizuka's face to marry me like a fucking crazy person! Wait, wouldn't that make her happy? Happy my ass what the hell am I thinking?!

I'm losing my shit, nothing makes any fucking sense anymore because of the horrific truth that I, he, we, fuck it: Hikigaya Hachiman has come to know.

This world is just a—

Ignore it Hachiman! Fucking ignore it!

Hiratsuka sensei is right in front of us- No... right front of ME and I Know how needlessly perceptive she is to Hikigaya Hachiman... that is now to me.

Thought Acceleration was used last turn, so this is happening real time.

Stop panicking; you Know you're Lines...probably.

Don't think, FEEL, use the force you fucked up egdelord!

"Say, Hikigaya, what was the assignment that I handed—"

...Well shit, apparently I needed to know that all of THIS was really happening, and right fucking now. So Stealth-Hiki just went active, and I found my right hand caressing Hiratsuka Shizuka's cheek like a lovers.

Soft, warm, real, I feel the warmth increase as she blushes, something REAL in an unreal moment.

I lost my expressionless poker-face, and a shit-eating-grin takes its place.

This is happening, it's really happening 4-chan, it's all real, and she really is-

"Fucking real." I mumble like a psycho.

My shattered reality stabilized, though it would now always be distorted.

Haruhi is dead.

Achievement unlocked: Reality Check

Achievement unlocked: Losing My Religion

Aaaaaaah! The cringe is real! 8man's over thinking brain won't stop, and its auto responding damn it! I can't stop myself! This body won't let me!

You were supposed to use the FORCE, not your hand you creepy virgin!

Fuck it, hard reboot 8man!

Hard. Reboot. Now!

My arm snaps back to my side and my face returns to its expressionless poker-face. My dead eyes are still locked with hers. It was like nothing had ever happened. Luckily it's just the two of us in the faculty office right now.

Blushing like a high school girl, Hiratsuka sensei sat there staring at me in shocked surprise. She recovered quickly enough by putting a hand on her forehead and sighing deeply.

"Did you just sexual harass me?" Her voice dark and dangerous.

"...No, I'm having an existential crisis...probably." I deadpan with complete honesty.