Le Adventures of Baldee

Lmao I can't think of a title

Tragedy struck.

The toilet rim transported the group into a magical place. Baldy felt wind rushing against him and gravity opposing him- oh wait it's friction, damn my science. Around him everything was black like hell... dear me, it was so damn creepy like a big black void steadily darkening with sus green stuff zipping past everyone on earth. In the distance he forced himself to look up and caught sight of planet Earth being burnt by big naughty fires because big naughty aliens were firing lasers at Earth, nah not my problem. Nonchalantly, he kept flying forward.  

After 694200 hours idk man, he finally reached soft ground with his other mates, including the bimbo, the old man, the apple, the boomer and the band. Where were the puppies? They were growing to a big big big big big size and making pedestals appear out of thin air using lasers. Using the homosexual policeman twin's voodoo magic to create lasers. The poolice twin was chained in god knows substance beneath the pups, looking very 惭愧. Heck, I could throw in a lot of good chinese phrases but nah. 

The pups chuckled evilly, "we sent you here to experience the miserable life of internet characters hooray you can stay here forever because god cares and rot here, who knows, and honestly this phrase is so important that we forgot how to use punctuation lmfaoooo"

hahahahahahahahaha sorry mate it's exactly what my friend typed to me. 

With that the three canines left and the chained guy flew after them using his balls to propel him forward. They flew until they reached the New York casino but remembered that it no longer existed. 

Wait was there even a casino in NY? I'm sure I didn't pay too much attention in Geography. 

Anyways, Baldy 'n' the gang were depressed, having lost four members to the force of cosmic evil and having no escape. They were so close. And now they are forever stuck in the software world... 

Geez this should be those kind of sad stories about rejection. I hope it won't become one soon. 

Baldy and Team wandered around for a few minutes. All around the landscape they saw a bunch of vaporwave emo stuff- heck, even the trees are painted in glowing lime and beige! Apparently they were at a beach because beach is beach. The sea was the color of the sea and the grains of sand were cool, hey. 

It was a kaleidoscope of neon, so piercingly bright that it almost blinded anyone who looked at it. What was worse? Paimon was there giving out free torchlights (hey does anyone remember torchlights and batteries from the chapter about Pepetown?). 

People from everywhere on earth (or the internet) were flocking to her since torches are cool. Baldy kept his self-restraint and dignity by not buying into that tourist junk, since he did not want to declare war on anyone using torches like The Birbs, The Government and the Memers did. Unfortunately the bunch of fanatics approached him and stampeded him with torches and batteries. Paimon's magical aura was attracting many people to the brink of bankruptcy since all their wages were spent on torchlights. 

Baldy tried to ignore this monetary tragedy but at that moment a bunch of apocalyptic salesmen crowded over and bombarded him with great deals (invest $69 to get $169!!) :cries: I just realized how broke I am. 

With unrivaled speed, Baldy dodged their remarks swiftly. Unfortunately the remarks and salesmen were smart missiles and refused to back off until Baldy bought something. So our dear hero scrounged the black market for the best deal and finally bought a battery for $1, great deal. 

Unfortunately the salesmen and supporters weren't pleased. It happens in the stock market all the time. The crew fled for their lives with more salespeople chasing after them, refusing to buy their shit. 

This did not settle paimon. She summoned some evil voodoo force to pull them back and forced them to buy batteries and eat prison slop. 

It's quite cliche, but they snuck off discreetly in the middle of the night when paimon and friends were busy gambling. (It's hard to write stories on the bus. I want to end this chapter as soon as possible.)

Neath stars and moonlight they wandered until they found a casino. It was those kind of cheap shit online apps where you play stuff to get money, but nobody knows it's a scam. The group of peeps wandered in. Hooray. 

Immediately, they were greeted by some random dude in a banana suit. Bananas are cool. The dude smiled at them in a friendly manner and invited them in while they did check in stuff for money addicted adults. They had no idea where this was going but nobody knew anyways, and I have no idea what I am writing about. Funny. 

Banana Guy showed them a lot of advertisements showing pepes shooting balloons and rising from rigs to ratchets - sorry, I meant rages to riches- F DAMN THIS SHITTY KEYBOARD. 

*Smashing noises* Ah well you get what I mean. 

Nobody cared about the epic destruction of my keyboard, so they nodded along appreciatively to the video ads. Meanwhile the Banana Guy snickered to himself secretly because he was having no trouble hookwinking them into buying into that stuff. Men want to gamble for quick money. So do women. And everyone else on the surface of the universe, and plants too. Well, at least everyone in the group. All he had to do was to scam them now. 

He gave everyone tokens, even the apple, and they propped their butts in front of the big pachinko machines and began their process of moneymaking. Gosh this feels like 1969 again, back in Japan idk. The Banana Guy gave them drinks because it's Valentine's Day and yeah, and they drank it without knowing it was the blood of my enemies. But they didnt die so ok. But they did become very drunk and pliable and gay. 

Taking a deep breath, the bananaman summoned all his voodoo magic powers to hypnotize the Baldy Gang now that they were vulnerable. Thankfully they had a lot of genshin training so they dodged the scams skillfully. The man was irritated. He clenched his fists until his fists became bananas cracking with lightning and he whacked the baldy gang in the face.

The last thing that Baldy remembered before he passed out was deez nuts.