Le Adventures of Baldee

in bed with your mom is the best place

Once Baldy stepped into the dark, damp room, he saw a horrifying sight... A whiteboard hung on the wall, and written on it were words nobody dared to write... 

The words said, "English test, Grade 69."

Baldy went pale. He was as good at English as I am, and that's saying something. I remember clearly how my teacher commented that my paper looked like an intense battle scene from Star Wars.  

Oh wait that was my Chinese. 

Unfortunately, fate is fate. So baldy bravely picked up his pencil like a good student, and answered the first question on the magic board, "Please explain why water guns exist." Baldy stopped for a moment. The question sounded nearly offensive, but that was okay. Mhm. SO he wrote a good long essay. Cool. 

The whiteboard seemed to agree on his answer. A large green tick appeared on the surface where he wrote the answer. Baldy licked his pencil handsomely, ready for the next task. 

Question two: should Japanese cartoons be banned in Uzbekistan? 

Baldy scribbled expletives in disagreement. The whiteboard hesitated before showing him the third question, "Why is thou stupideth?" 

Baldy got angeridy. He wanted to punch the whiteboard because it insulted him, so he did, but not before doing a slow motion action thing and breaking all his fingers in the process. The whiteboard gave him a cold glare and regrew itself where he punched a hole in, then showed the next question. 

"Which side of the bed do you sleep at?"

There were two options. 

You know what, I'll give you my honest opinion. It's hard to ratify a side of the bed to sleep with with the cat. Cats aren't reasonable when it comes to dominating the side of the bed. 

I make bad memes.

Anyways, Baldy picked right, because right is right. 

The whiteboard told him to watch a video. The video showed pictures of god knows. 

The board asked, "How much does a paper fireproof vase cost?"

Baldy was miffed at this shit. It had nothing to do with logic, and it was all like oral questions the examiner asked me today. He healed all his fingers with his magic voodoo and packed a tight punch into the stiff board, which has reached its healing limit and could no longer heal itself. 

Instead, the whiteboard let out a blinding flash of light and morphed into a beautiful bosomy bimbo. The bimbo kicked Baldy in the ass. Ouch, it sucks. Baldy summoned a magical rubbish bin lid and it hit Bimbo squarely in the chest and went right through. Since she was a whiteboard she couldn't perish, and she duplicated the bin lid and made it 3D so that the bin lid resembles a pair of spherical objects.

 Baldy slashed at them with his ultimate sword of invisibility to keep things friendly for your young children, Madame. Bimbo was shocked, and Baldy was sick and tired of useless battles, so he pulled Mademoiselle Bimbo out of the wall and summoned all his voodoo magic power to make them float out of the cave and into the sky. After they floated for awhile Baldy forgot that there was no sky on Planet X, only 69 moons and 126 stars, so they fell down because GRAVITY YOU IDIOT. 

The gravity dragged Baldy down to the cave, past the English Test Room, past a prison, a cafe shop, a barber, a massage parlor, another cave, another cave, the cool gates on Killua's house, and into an infernal pit which is not in his residence area at all. 

The gravity threw the pair down into the PIT OF HELL and let them rot forever in the darkness of hell AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *SADISTIC VILLAIN NOISES*. 

Physics is a weird subject. 

In the pit of hellele, everything was dark ofc. Mademoiselle Bimbo was fuming at Baldy for causing her to be unable to turn into a whiteboard again in the pit of hell. Baldy argued with her as if he were attending my debate class but with chaos x1000. 

Now this is a good time for me to float in, thought the invincible Speedster X ceiling fan. The fan floated in because yeah baby why not. Unfortunately for the mademoiselle and the ex-offender, the fan blew shreds of god knows into their faces. Baldy summoned a nice big ray and the shreds of god knows ricocheted off the shield of light because anime is cool. The cool light also blasted Speedster X away from the pit and back to earth, lowering the room temperature by 10 degrees kelvin in the process. 

Blonde Beauty was impressed, "Could you do that thing to get us out of here?" 

Against his will, Baldy nodded, but just when he was about to summon the big light parachute he felt something clamped against his foot. Some things was trying to pull themselves up from the bottom of the pit...

Insert scary music ahahahaha not rlly. 

He looked down and summoned his torchlight for fun. It was the half-eaten apple he met earlier a few thousand million hours ago...

The apple pulled himself up, then helped the old man up, followed by the band, puppies and boomer, as well as the cloned twin made of pus. 

Baldy was jubilant. He had found his buddies, and...

The three pups were clutching onto a toilet seat which was shining gold. 

Insert kdrama scene and cherry blossoms. Baldy runs towards the glittering gold and hugs it tightly.

Unfortunately, all that glitters is not gold....