I've never seen Leni in that light before. I've never seen our actions as an indication that we could always be something more than what we are, that our relationship could transcend that of a platonic one.
At least not until Kiko whispered something while we watched Leni deliver her report.
We were at another team meeting today and we were told beforehand that it would probably stretch for the entire day. During lunch break, Leni and I sat across from Kiko. I noticed that Leni was rubbing her eyes and she winced. In concern, I placed my hand on shoulder and urged her to look at me. "Ano'ng problema?"
"Ang itchy ng mata ko. Parang may dust or dirt or kung ano na nasa loob."
"Patingin," I held both sides of her face and tilted it up to get a closer look. Ah, there was a stray eyelash that got in her eye. "Nakita ko na. May pilikmata ka sa loob ng mata mo."
"Paki-tanggal please?" She said.
So I did. I was standing up to get a closer look while she looked up to me, laughing and teasing. "Ganda mo pala sa ganitong angle, Ris. Tangos ng ilong mo."
I pinched her cheek and she whined, "Pinuri ka na nga, nangungurot ka pa."
"Ang dami mong sinabi. Ayan na natanggal ko na."
I placed the eyelash on her palm and tilted her head back up to face me. "Namumula pa 'yung mata mo." I blew on her eye and fanned it to ease the irritation.
"Okay na ata," she blinked a few times and grinned. "Thank you."
"Okay na ha, 'wag mo na i-rub baka mas lalo pa ma-irritate."
She nodded and I sat back down. We continued eating our food. A little while later, Leni reached for something in my hair. I stared back at her in confusion. "May dumi kasi sa buhok mo," she said, showing the particle of dust in my hair.
"Oh, thank you," I laughed.
"Ang lambot ng buhok mo 'no?" Leni said, her hand combing through the strands of my hair.
"Baka dahil sa conditioner ko."
"Kulot ka diba? Like ever since you were a kid?"
"Yeah, pero hindi ko na na-maintain over the years."
"I can imagine you with curlier hair. Ang ganda mo."
"Pero ngayon? Hindi ba ako maganda kasi hindi ako kasing-kulot like before?"
"Wala naman akong sinabi."
"So maganda nga ako?" I grinned. Leni laughed and flicked my nose, releasing my hair. She turned her attention back to her food, completely ignoring what I just said. I poked her side and she chuckled.
"Maganda ka naman talaga."
I've heard her say that many times in the past. She told me I was pretty when we became more comfortable around each other, when we were at this formal event and I wore a black dress. When I showed her the tattoo on my shoulder. And often, when she'd tease me with my standards saying, "Ang ganda ganda mo pero nagsesettle ka sa ganyan?"
But hearing it now, I can't help but shrug off the feeling that something changed. I just didn't know what.
Was it because of where we were?
Or was it because of what she said?
Bakit gano'n?
Bakit nakakakilig?
I felt my cheeks heat up and I coughed, brushing away the thoughts in my mind. Leni patted my back and offered me a glass of water. I accepted it graciously and said, "Thanks. Matagal ko namang alam na maganda ako."
"Ang kapal mo," she laughed and we returned to eating in silence.
Kiko, who was watching our interaction that whole time, interrupted our comfortable silence when he laughed. "Para talaga kayong mag-jowa."
"Oo na," Leni chuckled. "Alam na namin 'yan. Tagal mo na nasabi."
"Iba na kayo ngayon eh. Single na parehas. Pwedeng-pwede na maging mag-jowa."
"Ewan ko sa'yo, Kiko," Leni and I laughed, shrugging him off. He insisted that something really was different between us. That perhaps, between the time after Raf and I broke up and now, something had changed between us.
But what? I don't see it at all.
The lunch break ended. Kiko transferred to the seat beside me, placing me in between him and Leni. When we've finally resumed the meeting and Leni was delivering her report, Kiko whispered. "Kayo na ba?"
I stopped abruptly from taking notes, shocked by his question. "Huh?"
"Sabi ko kayo na ba ni Leni? Mag-jowa na ata kayo tapos ayaw niyo lang ipaalam sa iba."
"Okay ka lang?" I laughed. "Ano'ng sinasabi mo dyan? Hindi ko jowa si Leni."
"May nagbago nga kasi sa inyo. Mas clingy gano'n, parang nawala 'yung physical boundaries."
"We've always been that way naman."
"Hay nako," he shook his head. "Hindi talaga?"
I hit his arm lightly and went back to note-taking. "Hindi nga."
He leaned back on his chair, finally letting the topic go. Which, I was immensely grateful for because what was he saying? It sounded completely ridiculous to me. Leni and I in a relationship? And a romantic one at that?
How incredibly ridiculous.
Just when I thought I could go on with the meeting in peace, Kiko scooted closer to me and whispered again. "Alam mo, si Leni na makakabasag ng pangit na dating streak mo. Bakit ayaw mo i-try?"
"Anong ayaw i-try ka dyan. Wala namang gano'ng feelings na namamagitan sa'min ni Leni."
"Weh?" He asked, both eyebrows raised in amusement and speculation. "Wala, kahit konti?"
"Romantic feelings? No, wala," I shook my head, trying to replay Leni and I's interactions in my head. There really were no romantic feelings involved whatsoever.
"Wala talaga. Saka even if mayro'n, Leni doesn't like girls."
Kiko snickered, "Neither do you pero tignan mo kung paano kayo mag interact. Daig niyo pa ng teenagers kung lumandi. I'm just saying. Maybe it's time you look at it from a different perspective. Wala kayong physical boundaries, you care for each other more than platonically, and I could go on pa."
I sat there in silence, letting Kiko's words sink in to me. From a different perspective? What does that even mean?
"Kiks, alam mo namang dati pa, gan'to na talaga kami ka-close. We've been each other's number one companions since god knows how long. 'Wag mo bigyan ng malisya. Leni and I are friends."
He sighed and ran his hand through his cropped hair. "Okay, sabi mo eh."
I gave him a warning look, telling him to believe me, let the topic go and not push it anymore. He laughed and nudged me to look at Leni, who was still reporting, again. "Oo nga, naniniwala na. Work na ulit."
I've never seen Leni in that light before. Or us in that light before, for that matter. I've never seen our actions as an indication that we could always be something more than what we are, that our relationship could transcend that of a platonic one.
But because of what Kiko said, I think I'll be seeing and thinking about it for days without end.
