North Star

01 | two currents

"Sure, but that doesn't fit my narrative."

I rolled my eyes.

Braving an eight-foot wave seemed more appealing at this point, but we were at the point of no return and Kanani rapped her knuckles against the door before I could tell her I'd decided against staying.

The door swung open to reveal Anthony Rivera himself, perfectly tanned, curls disheveled, and wearing that signature grin that shined in his prom king photos. I'd spent so long knowing that smile that seeing it again for the first time in years felt like a wave sweeping away any lines in the sand. It didn't matter how much time had passed; Anthony was family. The brother we never had.

Judging by the near-empty bottle in his hands and the smell of pakalolo wafting off him, Anthony was already enjoying himself.

Good for him. Even if I hated the smell of it.

After greeting my sister, he angled around the box of beer and pulled me in for a hug. A familiar touch that both elated and reminded me of all the ways our lives had changed since we last enjoyed ourselves together. Sometimes it seems like the last time I was truly happy was when he was still a constant present figure. "Don't be mad but I bet Nani ten bucks you wouldn't show up tonight."

"I'm honestly not even offended. I would've taken that bet, too."

He flashed me another smile before tugging me into the house after I quickly discarded my slippers outside the front door amongst the pile of other slippers and shoes. "Were you always this tall?"

"Yes." No. I'd grown a few inches since the last time we hung out. Now we were eye-to-eye at our height of five foot ten.

"Liar."

"Don't you have ten bucks to give my sister?"

Kanani laughed and held out her hand, fingers wiggling.

He reached into his pocket for the prize and slapped it onto her palm. "I'll get you next time."

She pocketed it. "Bold of you to think you know my sister better than I do."

"Fair enough."

It was probably all in my head, but I was right to be filled with dread over this party. Inviting Anthony over to the house would have been a better alternative.

Objectively, none of these people were horrible. I just didn't have an interest in any of them. Maybe that made me a terrible person for being so close-minded, but I couldn't help but feel lost even in a sea of people, barely bobbing along and keeping my head above water. All it took was one breath of stifled air and I had to suppress the need to run in the other direction. Clinging to both Kanani and Anthony's arms were the only safety measures I could employ to keep from going under.

We were guided to the kitchen where all of the food and drinks were situated. After popping a few of my beers into one of the coolers, I turned to see Kanani already dishing out some of the poke to other partygoers. Another thing I admired about her. No matter where she went, she fit in. I wondered what going through life must be like to not be hindered by something as simple as striking up a conversation with strangers.

Instead of wallowing in my self-misery, I cracked open a cold one and took a long sip.

Guava Jelly by Ka'au Crater Boys carried me into the living room where I decided to hang out on the outskirts as the rest of the party carried on. It was still early in the night, so while there was a good group of people already there, it wasn't as full as I knew it would end up. People sang karaoke. Some kept eating to their heart's content. Others played drinking games. I existed somewhere on a different plane, not quite far enough away to be unaware but not close enough to feel like I belonged. Watching my sister float around the room like a butterfly, clinging to each new flower as her own, highlighted that feeling.