Earn it

Contemplating

Chapter 24

Ryujin

It went on for another month.

We only met twice after the last rooftop conversation. I was a little annoyed that she seemed to pry on my business of making new friends and she made me feel like I have to be guilty about it.

After that, I only had a small talk with her one afternoon after practice when we got assigned in the same group for a random routine. She was a little too enthusiastic about the most recent dance routine that she and Yuqi aced. It's always her now, by the way. Yuqi this, Yuqi that. Yuqi is so inspiring, Yuqi made a weird joke the other day, Yuqi is a very versatile dancer and she learns a lot from her.

I stopped listening after she overused the words "us" & "we" because I couldn't stand another minute picturing how happy she is dancing with Yuqi all the time.

The other time, we accidentally bumped into each other in the coffee shop near the dorms. She was buying coffee for her and Yuqi while waiting for the mentors and I was with Heejin and the others. I walked up to her while she was waiting and struck up a quick conversation. After her refusal to be introduced to Heejin and the others, I lost interest, said my goodbye and walked back to our table.

When she got her order and left the coffee shop, I did not glance at her even once.

And yes. I am jealous of Yuqi. I'm jealous that she gets to spend every day with Yeji. I'm furious that it has been more than 6 months and I could count on one hand the amount of time we've actually sat down and listened to each other sincerely. One of us is always exhausted, or worrying about the next day's routine, or is rushing to get to the extra lessons. I have been all over the place and the person who used to be my safe place doesn't feel safe anymore.

She makes me feel insecure now.

On the other hand, I have been clinging a lot to my new found circle. Heejin is right. I need to make friends to survive. Somehow, I had gotten back to my groove and even enjoyed dancing again, despite the exhaustion and competition.

Hyunjin and I have been playing a lot in the arcade, too. It has been our routine to go there for at least a couple of hours during our day offs. I learned that she can be quite competitive despite her looking like the complete opposite. She's the most calming-looking person I've ever met.

Today, I'm standing outside her unit while waiting. I came a little early so I expect that she won't be out in the next 20 mins. I was trying to recall the steps for the routine that I'll be performing for next week's solo when I saw a familiar figure walk by.

I don't know what's gotten into me that I called out her name, despite her not knowing who I am.

"Yuqi, right?"

She immediately turned around, looking confused.

"I'm sorry", I let out a nervous chuckle.

"I'm Yeji's... schoolmate. We were schoolmates and she mentioned you one time when we were talking."

"Ah, Ryunin!" She walked closed and pointed at me as if I was an old friend. Her voice filled the empty hallway.

"It's Ryujin." I tried not to sound annoyed.

"But anyway... how's Yeji doing?"

She seems a bit surprised by my question. There's another emotion on her face that I couldn't quite figure out.