all my questionable decisions

v. in the middle of the night

Porsche knew there was a slight chance of Vegas recognizing his children as Kinn's. But the thought kept him awake at night for the first days. After they arrived at the Theerapanyakun's mansion, those nightmares would change a little. He saw how Vegas was gloating that he caught Kinn's heirs and killed them on Porsche's eyes. Each time, Porsche woke up in cold sweat, breaking down on the bed. How could he rest when his little ones were somewhere scared?

He slid from the silk sheets and, grabbing his cigarettes from the nightstand, moved to the elevator. He needed to walk. And smoke. Hw could do both in the garden. Watching how the numbers changed on the small screen was oddly calming. Porsche blinked sleepily and yawned. The elevator arrived and he walked out, looking if any bodyguard was near. They were probably watching in the security room, while the rest was walking around the grounds.

He walked out and slid the door shut. The air was wet and cold. Porsche could almost smell the rain that was coming. He noticed two bodyguards walking near the west wall, their heads turning around once in a while to see every piece of the garden they could. Porsche lit the cigarette and breathed in.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Porsche nodded and breathed out the smoke, turning to pass the pack to Kinn. The older took it and lit his own, repeating Porsche's action. For some time they were just standing and smoking together, listening to the sounds from the city. Bodyguards who passed them just nodded and walked away. Porsche could remember how was it when he was still working for Kinn.

His lips turned upwards and he chuckled.

Kinn turned to him interested.

"How different we were years back... Did you ever see yourself with someone like you are with me now?"

Kinn looked at Porsche more closely.

"One."

Porsche turned to him and frowned. Kinn never mentioned anything about his private life. His life away from his family and duties. Sure, Porsche heard from some other recruits about someone whom Kinn allowed to be closer than most. He also heard that this person betrayed Kinn and forced him to kill him. Porsche couldn't imagine what would make Kinn do it.

"You. Once, I saw you with your brother. You were different than I was with Kim or Khun with me or Kim. You were actually carrying for your brother and I saw you as someone with whom I would like to have something more," Kinn breathed slowly, closing his eyes as he finished.

Porsche was looking at him frozen. They never really talked about what was between them. Purely because Porsche refused to allow himself to believe that there was anything. They had children together (children who did not know that Kinn was their father), and they spent some time together as well as nights (which Porsche wanted to forget). There was nothing serious between them.

"What?"

Kinn laughed, his laugh empty and dry. Porsche could see how tense he became suddenly.

"Yeah, isn't that ironic? I hurt you, I humiliated you on every step you took, I basically ran you out of the city," Kinn chuckled. He ran a hand through his hair. "You became the one permanent thing I was looking forward to every time I was awake."

"How do you know that this was it? And not some temporary obsession or crush or whatever else it could be," Porsche threw his hands up. "I am not perfect, I am not from your world. We both know it, your father knows it."

"And what about it? Have I ever said anything about wanting a person whom I end up with to be like me? To be from the same background as me?" Kinn asked angrily, his eyes blazing and coming closer to Porsche with each word. When he was close enough, he grabbed his shoulders and pushed him to the wall. "I would have accepted if you decided that you do not feel the same if you were still unsure of me after everything. But you, you are simply looking for a way out without you being the one to blame."