My Dead Wife's Diary

Closed Minds

"What the heck is going on? Have you been hiding from me?", the message of the furious voice of Mandy in my mailbox. For the entire week I can say, I totally forgot about her, forgot that she's my fiancée, forgot that we're about to get married in 3 months and that I shouldn't be bothering myself with crazy stuff my ex-wife get me into. But here I am, leaping another page of her old diary.

Dear Sieg,

Look what I found out, I just found out that you are one of the best realtor in the city. Well, it's not a question. It seems you can easily convince someone to buy a luxurious unit without second thought even without a penny in their pocket. How can you possibly do that? Do you use this trick to every one? Does that include me? If a house or a room will you offer me, I'll sure buy it but you're not offering me anything. How could you? I want to buy a house from you and live there with you. Will you let me do that? Will you let me live with you? It may sound too rush but I'm falling to you too fast. Well, what can I say? I can only hope that one day you would just agree with me. I hope that all my dreams will just come true. Please, don't break my heart. Please make my dreams come true.

Love,

Liz

"I don't understand why you keep on doing that. For Pete's sake, get over with that diary. You'll ruin your life. You're going to ruin it again. I'm never gonna watch you do it again." Diane with her concerned mother tone again.

"I don't know either. Perhaps, there's really something for me in this. Perhaps my wife is sending me a message thru her diary and leading me not to marry Mandy. Perhaps this is what I'm supposed to do.", baffled and truly accepting that this flummox is my fate to solve.

"Since when did you become a puzzle solver and a believer of fate? I can't believe I'm hearing this all from you." The always stumping Diane is driving me out of my insanity which I always choose to submerge myself into.

"You know, Diane, believe it or not, what's happening to me right now is totally different and unexplainable. I can't feel anything wrong about it but I think I'm being taken out of everything that has been wrong with my life. All of my mistakes are being laid down before me and now it feels like I have a second chance to do things over again and make them all right. This is an amazing thing. Diane, I'm not ruining my life. Look at me, look at my situation, this is me putting myself together and bringing things in their proper place. This is going to be great." And nothing can stop me from correcting all my errors in the past.

"Sieg, dear, what I can see right now is your disturbed conscience. What you did in the past is wrong but it's in the past... you can't do anything about it. What you're about to do with your fiancée is wrong. You'll hang her out in the open air waiting for nothing and hoping for a marriage that will not happen. This Lucy is bright and pretty and exciting and all a man like you needs to achieve his redemption. But Sieg, you can never right something wrong by doing something wrong again. You want to escape from Mandy but don't use Liz's doppelganger Lucy so you can run away with your responsibility with your fiancée. She left because she trust you'll be fine while she's preparing for your wedding and all. You should never break that trust because it might be too late for you to redeem yourself again for the second time.", all these words are drilling unto my brain as if they're curses stall upon me. I can't accept any of them even if they came from Diane.

"Diane, you don't understand me and you won't ever understand. I thought you would but you're not even trying. Open your mind. Come on! You're my friend.", I'm trying to break her frozen mindset on this matter.

"Sieg, don't say that to me. Of all the people, you know I'm the only one whom you can trust and who knows you in and out. That's not fair for you to judge me. If not me, who do you want to tell you what's right and wrong? You're blinded by this diary and your guilt against your wife. You want to compensate to the wrongs and shortcomings you had with Liz but she's gone now and even if she's here I'm sure all she would ever want you to do is to be happy and to move on away from her memories. You shouldn't be haunted by some kind of bewildering diary of your dead wife. Sieg, this is torturing yourself and disrespecting Liz's remembrance. Stop this before it completely destroys you." Diane loves me more than she loves anyone in the world but this is just not giving me any peace. I have to settle this once and for all and I have the feeling that the only way of settling things is facing everything and straightening my path. This is the right way to do this. Liz is the right one for me but now she's gone it couldn't be Mandy but Lucy.

"Dy, trust me on this. I'm sorry but if you're right and I'm wrong at least I still have you, right? You'll never leave me. You're the only one I got left.", and that is one assurance that I need from her. Basically, right now, she's all I have. Mandy is not my wife yet and Lucy isn't my girl yet so without Diane, I'm a man without anyone.

"Sieg, my dear, it hurts me too much to let you on your trail but it will hurt me more to see you to live with those questions in your mind and marry someone without the answers that you need. Yeah, I'll be around. As always, for you." And that's all I need before I leave to see Lucy.