Still Loving You

Part 19

 Eddie sunk to the ground as Elizabeth ran off, burying his face in his hands. He had failed. He'd moved too fast. It was just, when she started saying how he still had her heart, he thought that was a sign. He knew he'd been an idiot, but every time she was near him, it took every ounce of self restraint to keep himself from kissing her and he had simply lost all of it at that moment.

Jesus, he could still feel the sensation of her body pressed against his. His lips burned from where hers had been pressed into them. His scalp still tingled from her fingers running through his hair. It felt so good to have her that close, but now it might never happen again.

Goddamn it. She had been so hurt and so full of rage. He had done that. All he'd ever wanted to do was protect her, to make sure she was happy. He'd thought that was what he'd been doing when he'd ended things but instead he had been the one to damage and wound her and she would never forgive him. She said she couldn't trust him and that tormented him more than anything.

He thought about chasing after her, but he was pretty sure he was the last person she wanted to see. He needed to explain, but maybe she needed some time. She was really upset right now, and she clearly wasn't willing to listen to him. He didn't want to make it worse by pushing her too far. He'd already fucked up. He needed to back down a bit. Maybe if she had a night to calm down, she'd be ready to hear him.

He would give anything to go back in time three years ago and ignore what her mom had said, to tell her to mind her own business. At the time it had been so easy to believe her. He knew what other people said about him. He'd heard all the whispers they mumbled behind their hands, thinking they were being quiet. The freak kid from the trailer park whose mom ran out and whose dad was a criminal. He saw the way people in town looked at him with his long hair, ripped jeans, leather jacket, and rings. They saw some lowlife punk. He played D&D so he must worship Satan. No one expected him to amount to anything so why should he? It had been too easy to convince himself that she was right, that he could never truly make Elizabeth happy, that he could never give her the life she deserved.

If he wouldn't have made that one idiotic decision, maybe

none of this would be happening right now. They could be living in some tiny apartment, figuring out how not to set things on fire in the oven together. They could be lying in bed, curled up in each other. He could have her in his arms. He wouldn't have missed out on three years of her life. Three years of kisses, three years of hugs, three years of touching her, holding her, loving her.

Shit! He slowly stood up and began gathering up the picnic things. This had seemed like such a good plan to him last night as they sat at her kitchen table, laughing and playing games. He wanted to recreate the moment he first knew she was going to be his everything. He thought this would help her see that they were destined to be. The pumpkins and movie had gone over well so he thought recreating another memory would be a good idea. Instead, he had fucked it all up because he couldn't control his impulses.

"Jesus H. Christ!" he screamed into the wind.

Okay, he just had to figure out his next steps. He had sworn to himself that he was not leaving here until he had won her back. He was going to do just that. He just had to come up with a game plan. He clearly couldn't do anything today and sleeping at her place was out of the question. He would sleep in his van and figure out what to do tomorrow. He could fix this. There just had to be a way.

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Elizabeth ran until she felt like her legs were going to give out from under her. Her lungs felt like they would explode. Her heart beat so hard she was sure it was going to hammer its way through her chest. It didn't help that she was wracked with sobs the entire way. She was overcome with a blinding urge to get away from him as fast and as far as possible. She couldn't do this. She didn't have the strength for this. If she didn't get away from him, she was going to do something that would eventually regret.