Grace.

Chapter 47.

Playtime was over. Homecoming came and went so it was time to take school seriously again. Being in the library studying and doing homework was the plan. When school was over, I packed my bag and as I closed it, Ethan showed up.
"Oh, hey!" I smiled.
"Hey, Buttercup."
There was this way that Ethan would say 'Buttercup' which made my heart skip a beat. He said it in such a gentle, caring way. You understand? It was sort of like, 'Hey, my love' but his was, 'Hey, Buttercup.'
"You off to practice?" I asked him.
"Nope. No practice this week. I actually came to ask if you have any plans? Maybe we could chill?"
"Ooh, chilling outside on your mattress would be so therapeutic right now," I wished.
"You like my chill spot?" He smirked.
"I love it. It was such a good idea. It's so relaxing. The view is amazing. Who knew that chilling on a mattress outside could be so relaxing?"
"Say no more. We can go chill there, right now."
"I'd love to but I can't."
"Ow, why not?"
"I haven't studied in such a long time, it's stressing me. So, I'm going to the library for an hour or two. To study."
"Okay. I'll come with you."
"To the library?"
"Yes. I haven't been there since last year anyway," he chuckled.
"Okay! Are you sure? It's really quiet there and all you focus on is books. No phones. No talking," I doubted.
He held out his hand for me and I took it. "Lead the way," he smiled. I smiled too, gently leading him to the library. When we got there, I was amazed to see that he actually took his books out and studied! For two hours! No complaining. No phone. No talking! I couldn't help but feel so...pleased with him. And whenever he'd lift his head up from the book it would only be to look at me. And when I lifted mine too, he'd smile with a thumbs up. I'd shake my head and smile to myself. If there was anything he didn't understand, he'd pass me a note asking to explain and I'd move closer to him, and as quietly as I could, explain it to him.
You know what I liked so much about that? It was the fact that I had proof that I wouldn't have to worry about him trying to change me. He understood who I was and what I was about and he respected that. Instead of trying to change me, he learned from me.
After the conversation I had with dad in the morning, I knew he'd tell mom. Which is why when I got home from school, I found them waiting for me. Without a word, I joined them.
"I guess it's conversation time?"
"How was school, bonita?"
"It was okay, Mamá."
"Dad told me about the conversation you two had this morning. Can we talk about it?"
I looked over at dad and then back at mom. It was now or never.
"Okay. Sure," I repositioned myself.
"Before we do, we want you to know that this is a safe space. All right?" Mom smiled.
Mom and dad were the best parents in the world. So supportive and so caring. They were my pillars. The people I could turn to whenever I felt lost or alone. Or scared. Or sad. But never when I'm in love. Because I'd never been in love before. But I might've been now. The only problem was, I wasn't really sure with whom. Edgar? Or Ethan? Yes, Ethan.
We'd kissed a few times and we had a strong connection. I didn't tell myself that I was in love with him, but there was definitely something there. I just hadn't figured it out yet. Maybe we shouldn't have kissed. Maybe we should've just been friends. But, it was not exactly what I wanted. He'd been so good to me. We'd had so much fun together. Maybe us dating wasn't such a bad idea.
But then again.
"Mom. Dad. I...I don't know what I'm doing," I revealed.
"What do you mean?"
"With my love life. I don't know if I'm single, in love or heartbroken."
"Trouble in paradise?"
"Which one? I've got two guys in my life and on my mind. None of them has my heart. Because I don't know which one I should give it to."
"Well, you don't have to give any of them your heart. It's not like they're the only two guys left."
"I get that, Dad, but....I'm just so confused. What was I thinking?! I was perfectly fine having no guy in my life but now I've got two and it's all happened so fast."
"Okay, describe each relationship," Mom recommended.
"Okay. Edgar. To be honest with you, with him I thought this is it. No searching. He's the one. We've got a lot in common. And there's history between us. He's my best friend's brother. He's practically like family."
"The Sanders' are our family, yes. But besides the fact that there's history and you've got a lot in common, do you have any strong feelings for him? I don't want to say love but...do you see him deserving of your heart?" Dad asked.
"There's depth in our relationship. He's a good one. To me, that is. I can tell by the way he looks at me. I know that with him it would've lasted. I still feel it in my bones. If him and I met now, he would've been the one. I was scared of being with him because Lucy has strong feelings for him as well. And she's my friend. He also has a history with Gloria..." I disclosed.
"Ria?! I thought they were just friends," Mom recalled.
"It got complicated and she's still hung up on it. Please don't tell her I told you. Anyway, I'm so disappointed and hurt at what happened between me and Edgar. It's because a part of me knew something was going to happen but I didn't expect it to be this huge. Ria is my sister. Worst thing is, I want to talk to Edgar but I know that if I do...we'd end up together again and..."
"That's not what you want?"
"It's what I want but can't do. For many reasons! Ethan being one of them."
"How are things with you and him?" Mom queried.
"I never expected them to get here. It just happened. He was supposed to be a Homecoming date and that's it. Now, he's a friend. We're kissing. Calling each other. Hanging out. And with him I have fears. He's a bad boy. That's a known fact. But he's a bad boy who's good only for me. We haven't spent much time together but whenever he's with me, he's so different. He isn't all tough like he is when he's in front of other people. Whenever he's with me, he's soft. That excites me. He's got this thing about him. There's this way about him that just... I know it's still early but, I have a good feeling about him. He said he feels something for me and I do too. But even with all this, we aren't even dating! He isn't my boyfriend and I'm not his girl. I'm scared. I'm afraid that that isn't what he wants. I don't even know if that's what I want!" I shared.
"You know, mija... from where I'm sitting it seems like with Ethan, you're going through the stages of falling in love. Your relationship isn't rushed but there's a lot of expression,"Mom contributed.
"Yep. You two are taking it slow. I think that's a good sign. He isn't jumping into making you his girl because it's a big step for him which means a lot. And whenever he does it, he wants to be sure. We guys could feel everything for you but we need to be sure first. We don't just jump into it."
"What your father said. My advice to you with Ethan, let it flow. Don't expect too much. If it's meant to grow it will grow. Don't think about it too much. Don't invest in it too much until you're both sure and not afraid of rejection from each other anymore."
"And never do anything you don't want to, mija. Guys tend to play with your mind so that you end up thinking of ways to make him happy. Don't allow it! You know what I'm talking about," Dad advised, sternly.
"But you know what, my angel? You're only seventeen. Love shouldn't be a priority. Whoever you choose now might not even be in your life in ten years from now. Your abuela always told us to never fall in love at a young age. It isn't worth it. Date, but don't fall in love. Your turn will come. And it really did. I met your father in my last year of college."
"Yep and we've been inseparable ever since."
"I had my fun. Saved myself! But had my fun and then I fell in love. And it all worked out. Don't take relationships too seriously. You'll find your amante. Don't rush it."
"You could choose to date either one of these boys only to find that they're actually going to be a part of your life in ten years to come."
"Yes, find that he's the one! You'll never know! Just don't rush it. Don't expect too much."
"Focus on your studies. Still haven't heard anything?" Dad checked.
"Not yet. But I'm not worried."
"That's my girl. It's a school night, I think you should be heading to bed."
"Where's Ria?"
"I'll call her, cariño."
I kissed my parents goodnight and then went upstairs. Of course I was going to go to bed thinking about what my parents told me. I shouldn't worry too much about my love life. Edgar hadn't texted yet and that was okay! Why should he? We weren't together. And even if I did kiss Ethan, so what? But even with all that advice, I couldn't help but think...instead of waiting, why not reach out. Phone in hand I punched in the number of that one guy I really wanted to talk to, and after a few rings...

"Grace!"