Begin Again

| Chapter Thirteen |

Ruth couldn't think.

She couldn't do anything but sit there numbly, her head swimming as she nurtured a flower back to health and brushed her fingers over the petals. She didn't know who had planted them in her absence, or if they were the flowers she had planted years ago that someone was now tending to, but they were beautiful either way.

Ruth's gaze trailed over the stone in front of her. It was depressing, really. That instead of there being a person she loved sitting in front of her, it was an inanimate object. A block of words that were now meant to comfort her instead of the embrace she always dreamt about. The stone was a harsh reality to all of those who loved the being below it. A cruel joke, really.

And as her fingers traced over the letters that made up her grandfather's name, a soft rustle came over her shoulder. One glance over her shoulder confirmed her suspicions.

"Thought I'd find you here," Terry murmured, squatting behind Ruth's body. She placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

Ruth nibbled on her bottom lip before releasing a soft breath. "Ever since I left New York, everything's been so much more . . . difficult than I thought it would be. I don't know if I'm adjusting well. I feel out of sync because everything is just different now."

"Hmm. Did you expect it all to feel like you never left?"

"I think so," she struggled, shrugging half-heartedly. "Uncle Rickey's declining and he's stubborn about it. I've run into Raffo more times than I can count at this point, including at the bridal shower, and now someone's been tending to the flowers I planted and should have been taking care of. Or they replanted new ones, I don't know. I know life goes on when you move . . . I just . . . I don't know what I'm feeling."

Terry put her head on Ruth's shoulder, her fine tawny hair brushing under her chin. "Oh, Ruth. I'm so sorry your trip back hasn't been what you expected. And with Raffo going to the party, we should have warned you it was possible. Johnny wasn't going, so I assumed Raffo wasn't either. I should have known that bastard was going to be respectful enough to show up."

Ruth's stomach clenched at the memory. Not long after did the memory of him and a pregnant Mirana come to mind as well. "I'm guessing Eddie's still friends with him?"

Terry grimaced. "Yep."

"Which means I'll probably be seeing him around."

"Yep."

Ruth groaned. "Life is so uncomplicated in New York."

Terry turned her head and looked up at her, her fingers gently squeezing her arm. "Hey, Oklahoma can still be fun. Those city folk don't know anything about chicken fried steak or Honky Tonks do they?"

Ruth laughed at that. "Guess not."

"Exactly," Terry said, smiling now. "Speaking of Swaddleys, would seeing Johnny again bother you? We were gonna go get some lunch, and I wanted you to come with us. Absolutely no pressure and I swear he won't bring up Raffo."

"Swaddleys does sound good," Ruth admitted.

"That's my girl," Terry commended, pushing herself up from the ground. Glancing down at the tombstone, she lovingly puts a hand at the top of the stone before helping Ruth up. "Later, Uncle."

And just like that, Terry's kindness helped mend just a little more of her confused heart. Though Ruth struggled to hear her grandfather's words that day, she couldn't deny the warmth of love that surrounded her after Terry graced her with her presence. She hadn't expected company, but then again, her grandpa always knew just what to do.

*****

Johnny, much to Ruth's joy, was exactly the same as she remembered him. Long hair, beautiful high cheekbones, and a smile that brightened every corner of the world. The moment she saw him, he gave her his million-dollar smile and took her into his arms before she could even get a hello out. Though he wasn't necessarily boyish looking when they met, he looked a little older with his sharper jawline and broad body.

Grinning, she hugged him back easily, her body relaxing against his muscled one.

"What up, Ruth?" he said, pulling back to tug at a curl. "It's been a minute! Like the haircut, by the way."

Ruth smiled. "Thanks. Needed a change for a while, so I chopped it off a few months ago."

"Looks great," he winked, then leaned over to give Terry a greeting kiss on the cheek. "Hope you ladies are hungry! It's on me today."

"Oh, you don't--"

"Don't even try with me, Ruth," Johnny warned, cutting her off. He ushered her to the front counter and demanded she order whatever she wanted.

Much to her reluctance, she did so, and even attempted to slide over a twenty-dollar bill which was quickly intercepted by a cheeky Terry. She held onto the bill after Johnny had already paid and handed it back right after, ignoring the glare Ruth shot them both.

"Let's sit in the back," Terry chirped, leading the three of them down to a booth in the back. Thankfully, there wasn't too many people around and Ruth relaxed into the seat across from the happy couple.

"So, Ruth. How've you been these last—er—shit, how long has it been?" Johnny drawled, furrowing his eyebrows and pursing his lips as he genuinely tried to remember when he last saw her.

"Three and a half years?" Ruth prompted, smiling as she thought about how many times she had to tell people that.

"Fuck, three and a half years?" he whistled. "Damn, didn't realize my memory was that shot."

All three of them laughed at that. Johnny took a gulp of his Dr. Pepper before turning his inquisitive eye back onto her. "But how have you been? New York treating you alright?"

"Yeah, it's been really good out there," she shrugged. "Just busy. Full of assholes and culture and everything in this world you can think of, just bigger."

"Huh, I can see that," he said, nodding. "How long are you back for?"

"Another month, just until after the wedding and after making sure Uncle Rickey's situated."

She doubted she could get any more time off work than that. Hell, she was lucky she saved up enough sick time to even be able to do the five weeks she took off.

"Ahh. Well, I'm glad you could be here for everything, Ruth. I know everyone around here has missed you."

I highly doubt that.

"It's been nice to be back," Ruth paritally lied. "I missed you all."

And it was true. She did miss her people, and it was nice to be back. Really nice in fact. So nice, that a part of her battled with what she knew to be true. She knew she had to go back to the life she made for herself, but she couldn't deny a part of her soul was locked there on Oklahoma soil.

What she didn't say, was that it was nice to be back, and she did miss everyone, but she wished she didn't run into the one person who complicated her life.

She loved being back but, she missed everyone but.

And something within Johnny's calculating gaze made Ruth realize he knew exactly what she was thinking, but didn't voice it out loud. And she was so grateful he didn't.

*****