Memoirs of the Lost Loser

Rainbow Before the Storm

And it was what you did when you couldn't sleep last night.

"Visiting some... people." You said, flashing him a quick, dismissive smile. You haven't seen them in weeks, and you felt more estranged than ever before.

***

You wandered in Trost, the closest town from Ehrmich castle. It was nearly midday when you arrived considering the distance, and although hot, the sights and scenes were breath of fresh air. It was just what you needed. Sunlight is a cure for unwellness and unexplainable lonesomeness so you basked on it as much as you could. Ponds and trees— just the perfect spot for picnics and hidden crocodiles; children playing with kites in the walkway of the fields. You wondered which snakes are rampant on fields. Spitting cobras could be one.

There were men returning from the hunt, possibly from Dauper's hunting ground. They tilted their leather hat and gave you a nod, in which you returned with equal tact.

When you got home, you first checked if the traps in your doorstep and windows had been tampered; looked for any sign that an intruder had been, was or is using your cabin as a hideout. Slumping your shoulders now a bit, you kicked your door— dodging an icepick that aimed at your throat, stepping backward to avoid the sacks of sand from your roof that slashing knife hiding in the supposed mailbox in your front door.

Yes, you've put traps in your cabin anticipating the movement of an imaginary intruder. You've got a key but Hange confiscated your stuff. You have to play intruder in your own home.

The sight of your cabin was a picture of your life right now: lifeless. A bit of dried this and that hanging everywhere; gray, moldy cloth stiff and forgotten... soil as hard and uneven as you left it.

A cup, a spoon, a plate... small pots and pans hang in the wooden wall you dared to call a kitchen. You didn't have much in it, living on it for years with the mindset that you'll eventually leave.

Your plant died too.

You didn't bother removing your shoe as you began to undo the screw of this particular floorboard. While all were pinned down by nails, it was intentional that you used a modern screw to identify which of these kept your money. It creaked as if to protest the sudden intrusion. You lifted the floorboard out of its mold, revealing your treasure underneath.

You had some gold and silver coins earned and hidden, after selling much of your stuff.

Hange and the lot don't need to know, but you had even more stuff before you decided to join the Survey corps. You sold it, mostly to Dimo Reeves or his rivals— whichever sold the better deal, and saved the more valuable coins in time of need.

And Levi's squad's lives need it this time.

The town bell chimed telling you it was almost time for the meet up with a seller, the gunpowder was the last thing you needed to fetch. 

***

You hugged your tote, now heavier because of your materials. There were gunpowder and rusty nails, broken glass and sharp metal scraps— basically anything you could put inside the big pipe that isn't flowers and pillows. You planned to cover the goods with groceries, so the soldiers in the barracks won't pull a nerve of suspicion of what you were trying to do.

"Hey," You jumped at the sudden call, but you recognized the voice. Nanaba had been doing her own shopping, apparently having fun looking at baby clothes.

Baby clothes?

Nanaba's smile widened when you saw what she's holding, and it suddenly made sense. She always wore the uniform cape although it's summer; you never saw her lift anything heavy, and she always, always eats on time. Well... eats all the time.