Can I Be Your Mrs?

28: Rain Of Emotions

"But what if I don't win? You never know, Yazeed. It's a grand competition, and you don't expect me to be the only good one there."

"If you don't win, I think all the judges are blind not to see the way you dance. But, if you happen to lose, I don't think it's a waste or something to grieve over, at least you should be proud of yourself. You've been hiding with this immense love of ballet in your heart and only gave your soul what it wanted this first time in your life, isn't it something good? We're all bound to win and fail at a point in our lives, just be glad it happened." Yes, she knew once in her life, she had a father that knew his way to her heart through his words. So perfect, so smooth that she wondered how he did it. But right now as Yazeed spoke to her, she wasn't anxious anymore, and she felt it didn't matter even if she won or not, what mattered was she did what she had always been dreaming of, that's enough for her soul.

She was about to answer him when the woman came back, one of their instructors. "We're starting right now, you're the only one not there, Khadija."

Jalilah turned to her and apologized, "I'm sorry, I'll be out now." She turned her attention back to Yazeed, "Yazeed, I think I need to leave. Wish me luck, and thank you for making me feel better." She quickly ended the call, fixed her turban in a way that even if she was going to run a marathon, it wouldn't fall off. They argued a lot that she had to take her veil off but she was so adamant that they had to let her be. Just after she had stepped her feet out of the room, she recalled she hadn't asked him whether he would be there or not, and there was no way she was going back now.

The competition started, it was grand as they had said it, but for a minute Jalilah thought they were only exaggerating until she saw this right before her eyes. She was nervous at first, but after she had started dancing, feeling the way the pianist was playing elegantly, she blocked her mind away. She told herself that it was just her and Yazeed, and why not danced as she had always danced in front of him? She smiled, the kind of smile she always did when she was dancing in front of Yazeed, and after she imagined the way he intently stared at her while playing the piano, she got lost and the only thing she was doing was dance.

It was over even before she realized how long it had taken, and they went to change in and wait for the results to be announced. She didn't want to call Yazeed now, maybe he was busy, or in a minute, or she would even disturb him with her namby-pamby talks if she called him. She restrained herself and felt as her heart kept being heavy with her thoughts, she was afraid of what would happen.

They called on the stage, there would be three winners, and as they stood on the stage, staring at the judges, Jalilah felt nauseous. She wanted to run away and never come back, she wished she could tell them that they should please don't make her result mattered, she was okay with what she fed her soul. But the third winner was called, it was Eunice, and she was so proud of her. After the second winner was called from another ballet school, Jalilah knew there was no way she would be the first, and she gave up already. She looked up at the other people that had attended the competition, and by Allah, she was convinced that she had started hallucinating.

She gripped the ends of her abaya and closed her eyes, but after she had opened them, they were still there. They were smiling widely at her that she felt for a moment, maybe she had been drifted into a world of the dead. How in the whole world?! Wafiyya couldn't hide her excitement after they were sure she had noticed them, she waved giddily at her and Jalilah flashed her a teary smile, she couldn't believe what just happened. Sulaiman gave her that brotherly smile and Ilham waved while lifting Yazeed jr for her to see him. She laughed happily, making way for her tears on her cheeks. This was enough gift for her, she shouldn't have to win as long as these people came for her. When she looked at the seat she was sure she had seen Farha, she stared as she kept speaking to her but she couldn't hear what she was saying. But she was talking excitedly as if she had won a trophy.