Can I Be Your Mrs?

19: The Body

His index finger touched the tip of his lips and he shivered slightly, thinking about what he had done. He didn't know what he was thinking to kiss her even though that was the only option left for him. He kissed her because she only made him miserable with her words, which he was sure he was the cause of everything, and he so badly wanted her to keep shut but there was no way he could do that except by kissing her, and he still didn't figure out what he was feeling about that kiss yet.

He closed his eyes and forced himself yo feel numb to everything that surrounded him. He wanted to forget about his present life for once, he wanted to devour on his past. How he had felt, and how he had acted to some certain situations that happened before this. But all that he had in mind was Jalilah, and how traumatized she acted. He clenched his eyes shut and forced himself to sleep, even though that will be the last thing he could do for today.

❤︎

She stirred softly on the bed and her eyes jerked open, giving way for her throbbing headache to remind her that she was indeed alive. She didn't know how her heart still coped to beat, although it was the heaviest it had been in a very long time. She stifled a yawn and say upright on the bed, resting her head on her brought up knees and sighed. What she was afraid of had happened, as much as she tried to pull herself out, she had indeed dwelled into her past body. The person she used to be. She hated that Jalilah, she despised herself, but there was nothing she could do now that she had already dumped herself into that body she had discarded years ago.

She heaved another sigh and looked around the room, where was she? That was when everything dawned on her, she was in Lagos. She came here for ballet, and what had transpired before she made it to Lagos. She was currently in a hotel room, sharply, she turned to the other side of the bed and figured out it hadn't been creased a bit, that meant he wasn't here yesterday. What was she thinking? How could he be here? He found her disgust...ing...

No, that wasn't what exactly happened. She was sure she had cried an ocean of tears yesterday, but at least, she felt the presence of Baba with her. And also...the moment she remembered what had happened, the kiss, how she desperately spoke ill of herself and the only mechanism Yazeed had that will prevent her from going on with what she was saying, Jalilah jerked and stood on her feet. No, it didn't happen. She was sure this was one of her crazy illusions. She might have thought that he kissed her but in the most real truth, he didn't. How could he? When he found her as disgusting as Yazeed did? No. Softly, her index finger began grazing the soft skin of her lips and she shivered. No, she wasn't going to ponder over this for long, she had a lot to think of. That might be just an illusion, and she was sure even if he did kiss her, the way he would treat her today, words he would say to her would determine whether it happened or not.

She slumped back on her the bed with her eyes the colour of red. She had to take her shower before he came into the room, she wanted nothing but to be out of the room, the state, if possible. She walked into the bathroom feeling the weight of her soul, making it so hard to take the next step but she did anyway. After she came out of the bathroom, she made sure she locked the room before she got ready and performed the prayer she had missed, that was when she felt a little bit at peace. She sat down on the prayer mat, in the position she loved the most after she had prayed, which was resting her head on her brought up knees. As much as she wanted to think about something, one thing or the other, she felt empty. Just like she had done before, and even though she enjoyed that feeling not knowing it was the worse thing that would happen to her in life, she knew it wasn't a good sign now.

She took her phone out of her bag and saw there were numerous missed calls from people that cared about her just not the one she needed the most, Mama. She gulped down the chord in her truth because tears seem to have deserted her now, maybe she had cried to the point she had no more tears in her? Who knew? She wasn't in the mood to talk to any of them. She sent Wafiyya a message telling her that she was okay, she wasn't close to the phone and texted Farha, not replying a single message of hers which was all inquiring about how it was going with Yazeed and Mama.