When He Lied

101

(Phone Call)

Drie:
Hi, Mesh. Are you okay?

Mesha:
(Heavy sigh) I don't know, Drie. I don't know if I'm okay. Sobrang bigat ng dibdib ko. I feel like it will explode soon.

Drie:
Mesh, feeling ko kaya pakiramdam mo sasabog na 'yang dibdib mo kasi kinikimkim mo lahat. . . 'yung sakit . . . 'yung nararamdaman mo ngayon. You can always tell us, you know. Pwede mong sabihin sa akin. Makikinig ako (Long pause) I understand. It's been hard for you. Hindi madali sa 'yong mag-open-up. You've always been the toughest person among us. Ikaw 'yung may strong personality. Very fierce (Pause). But now to see you like this, it breaks me. You can tell me. . . to lessen the pain. Maybe I can carry some of your burdens. . .

Mesha:
Drie. . . (Stutters) I. . . I don't k-know.

Drie:
It's okay.

Mesha:
But I really wanted to tell you. Gusto kong ilabas ngayon. But I don't know where to start.

Drie:
You can start anywhere you want, babe.

Mesha:
(Silence)

Drie:
It's okay also if you're not comfortable.

Mesha:
No. . . Okay. I'm sorry if this would be too long. . . or too boring for you-

Drie:
(High pitch) Mesh, don't say that!

Mesha:
(Uneasy) Sige, I'll start.

(Long pause)

(Clears throat) I. . . I think that the frequent get-togethers with the boys made me and Thirdie get close to each other. At first, lokohan lang. Naglalandian lang naman kami no'n. Walang malisya. Until we got used to it, and we started to feel things for each other. (Heavy breathing) Alam ko na nagugustuhan ko na siya but I don't want to risk it. Ayokong masira pagkakaibigan namin. And I know Thirdie. . . he's a playboy. But when he said that he likes me. . . that he wanted to be serious with me, na handa raw siya na talikuran ang babae at bisyo niya because he wanted to have a serious relationship with me, it got me. I felt it, eh. I felt the genuinity. (Sighs) But just after a year of being in a relationship, I found him kissing another girl at Dominic's. I felt betrayed. He was like my best friend tapos biglang ginago ako. The saddest thing is that I couldn't even tell my friends the reason why we broke up because I don't want them to see Thirdie as a bad person. He's been a good friend. . . but not a good partner to me (pause) He. . . fucking cheated on me. Kahit sabihin niyang lasing siya. . . he still kissed another girl. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa sarili ko no'n. Did I deserve that? Loyal naman ako sa kanya. I loved him with all my heart. . . yet, he still broke me. (Sobs).

Drie:
Mesh, I'm sorry I didn't know about Thirdie.

Mesha:
Walang kaso 'yun, Drie. Tapos na 'yun. Naka-move on na ako.

Mesha:
Pero alam mo minsan naiisip ko na baka nga totoo ang sinasabi ni Thirdie. . . na hindi naman niya sinasadya 'yung halik. Na baka nabigla lang siya. Na hindi siya agad nakawala do'n sa babae. Pero. . . I don't know. It can't still erase the fact that he hurt me.

(Sighs) Ikinakatakot ko rin 'yun, e. 'Yun bang mag-iba tingin niyo kay Thirdie dahil sa sinabi ko.

Drie:
Mesh, for the first time in your life, can you please just be selfish? Don't mind others. Don't mind us.