Behind Closed Doors

07 - friends?

"I miss Hazelnut," I whisper.

"Hazelnut is you and your father's name, Haze." She moves her thumb again.

"I don't mind it from you," I whisper.

"I know. But I mind it." She kisses my forehead. She moves her hand and backs off. "I feel like I'm leading you on. I'm sorry."

"No, you're good. We're just friends."

"Until we take that quiz on Friday," she says.

"No, Natalia," I say. She frowns.

"Please? The competition is fun!" I meet her eyes.

"No," I whisper. She sighs. Clearly, she didn't like that one. But I don't care. I don't want to accidentally trigger her. I probably already have in the past, and I would feel terrible if I did it more than once.

"Zelly.." she frowns. She puts her hand on my face again.

"You're not gonna trigger me. It's okay. I promise you it is." She rubs her thumb on my cheek. I want to hold it there. I never want her to stop.

And she can clearly see that. Because she backs off of me again.

"Do you like me, Hazel?"

"No," I lie. She looks me up and down and shakes her head.

"You're a damn liar."

"You don't see me accusing you of liking me, Hazel. And you have like 30 pictures of me," I say. She tilts her head and moves closer to me.

"I may find you beautiful, Hazel, but I don't like you. And I may like women, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in you."

Ouch.

Fuck fuck fuck. Don't cry.

"Are you about to cry?"

"No," I whisper. Yes. Yes yes yes. I cannot handle rejection. My eyes sting with tears, and her look softens.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Please go," I whisper.

"I told you we shouldn't have become friends, Hazel." My lip quivers, and she sighs.

"Go. This is my safe place. Go to yours." She hugs me, and I sob into her chest. She holds me tighter.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. She kisses my head over and over. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Hazel."

"Go!" I say, pulling away. She wipes my tears.

"I'm sorry." I stand up and grab my stuff.

"I have to go." I walk out, immediately getting drenched by the rain. Which is good.

Natalia's POV:

What did I do?

I knew I'd hurt her.

I knew this wasn't going to work out.

Fuck.

"Um.. are you alright?" Rose or Rosie or whatever the fuck her name is, asks. I look at her and nod. Which is a lie. I feel really shitty, Rose.

"You know.. she really.." she pauses and looks at me.

"These past couple weeks she's looked really happy. And I.. I was wondering who this person was! Because I'd never seen her smile so much! And um- well.." She meets my eyes. "I think it's you." I wince.

Fuck.

"Fuck," I say, voice breaking.

"Did I lead her on? Did she talk about me, Rosie?" She nods.

"You didn't lead her on. She thought you were straight. But she did talk about you. Are you Nat?" I nod.

"Talia. Natalia," I say.

"Yup. You're the one. She likes your smile. Your touch. She thinks you're super badass but she loves how you can switch when need be. I say you got yourself a good one because she has never mentioned anything bad about you. Ever."

"Really?" She nods. I wipe my tears. I feel even more shitty now.

"Fuck," I whisper. She hugs me.

"You'll be okay. Go, though. Go comfort her. Please." I nod and notice she left her phone.

"Yeah. Yeah." I grab her phone. She takes her painting and takes it to the back. She puts it in a room somewhere.

I walk out and text Zoey. I have to make sure she doesn't want to kill me before I go into her apartment.

Me:
Is Hazel home yet?

Zoey:
Yup. crying. why? beats me.

Me:
It's because of me, Zo. She caught feelings and I rejected her.

Zoey:
Aw, fuck.
Well, that explains the I wanna kms..

Me:
I have her phone. You think if I stop by I'll walk out dead?

Zoey:
You cant walk if ur dead, idiot. How the hell did you make it into harvard?

Me:
ZOEY.

Zoey:
Yea. You can come by she's not mad at u

Which hurts me even more. She should be mad. She should hate me. How the hell could i reject her? 

I mean, come on Nat. You just found out you were bisexual like 15 fucking minutes ago.

Because of her, though. There could've been a hundred other girls I could've kissed and I chose her. Why? I don't fucking know. 

I get in my car and drive to her place. I get out and get into the elevator. 

And tears can't help but fill my eyes.

I feel terrible.

A/N- Natalia needs to quit being in fucking denial and realize she's fucking falling hard asf for Hazel.

But that's on my terms, so it won't be just yet. 

Maybe. I'm so bad at slow burn. They'll probably get together like next fucking chapter because I have no organization skills.

Alright bye. i love you. 💚