Becoming Bad

chapter thirty-eight

Kayla takes my hand without even asking, leading both of us to a quieter place and despite my urge dancing and forget it all, I don't fight back.

I own her an explanation for missing like that.

"Tell me what happened because something is not right." She says the second we reach a relatively quiet hallway, the music still playing but lower and some couples making out nonstop, leading to their lack of attention on us. Perfect.

I bite my lip, my nails digging into my palms, but I take a deep breath and end up telling her what's been affecting me. She's my best friend at this moment, not Damien's sister.

She always makes sure I know that.

"Damien has been strange, alright? Ever since the accident, he's distant and I know damn well something is going on but he won't tell me what." I take another breath. "I tried asking him in the car but he shut me out completely. I needed space from him, to forget altogether. That's why I run away from you guys."

Kayla only nods, cursing underneath her breath for the situation and I laugh somehow while looking up, knowing I'm in a fucked up position if she, of all people, is worried about her brother.

"That's not it, Lina. You just-" I raise my eyebrows when she stops talking, waiting for her to continue and when she doesn't, looking straight into my eyes, it's now my turn to demand. My curiosity reaches its peak.

"Tell me, Kay. Now." I'm a pile of nerves.

"If I knew he had done that to you, I would have told you sooner what it's really going on with the gang. It's the reason he's like this. It doesn't justify his behavior, but at least you could understand his side."

I can only nod, eager. The alcohol makes it even worse.

"After the accident, all efforts are being put into taking back the territories we are losing day by day. The Cobras are spreading like a wildfire and my dad is piling all the problems on Damien's back. In my dad's words, my brother is supposed to hold back Jace from getting too close, too deadly. The accident is proof that Damien failed, for him at least."

I don't realize I hold my breath until she's finished, and I have to gasp faintly for air.

I can't believe he kept that from me. Damien must think he's a burden, that he does nothing right and I just contributed to that. It doesn't excuse the fact he's being a dick. Hell no, but it still makes me feel awful for not paying attention to the signs. He's slowly learning how to be vulnerable around me and I threw it all in the garbage the minute he got distant.

"Fuck, why didn't he tell me?" It's a mumble that leaves my lips incredibly low compared to the song blasting on the speakers, but Kayla still hears it, her ear being trained for it and she shrugs her shoulders. We will never fully understand Damien Stone.

"I thought you should know, if not from him, from me." I nod, resting against the wall while thinking about what to do and when I hear the last thing Kayla has to tell me, I decide, "Our brother's death anniversary is also coming up so I'm damn sure it also has something to do with that. We are all still in grief, but Damien is a particular mess when the date comes."

My lips are trembling. The ignorance of not knowing that makes me curse myself and I decide I need to see him. I have to find him.