Always And Forever

Chapter 1: Bellany's POV

Tears prick at my eyes and I let out a strangled sob as my trembling hands drop the knife onto the baige tiled floor.

Why is life so cruel?

Blood heavily drips from my wrist, creating an unpleasant sight on the tiles. After a few minutes, a massive puddle is created. Looking at it makes my stomach churn and it takes every ounce of me not to vomit.

Why does my mum hate me so much?

I can't hold it in any more and soon, not only is there a puddle of red liquid on the floor, but I'm pretty sure in a few minutes time, the bathroom will be flooded by the amount of tears that are freely flowing from my eyes.

I think about what happened between me and my mother only just an hour ago.

"You are worthless! You don't deserve anything, Bellany! You're wrecked my life! Completely and utterly wrecked it! You were never meant to happen, you were a mistake!" She yells as she picks up a plate that had my name carved into it. It was a present that my grandmother has given to me for my thirteenth birthday. It's one of the only things I have left of her.

"No! Don't!" I scream at her but it's too late. She hurls it at my direction and I duck just in time as it flies past my head and smashes against the wall. The broken pieces fly everywhere as tears pour down my cheeks.

I'm worthless, ugly and stupid. I don't need my mother to tell me that. I already know I am.

I sniff and inhale a large breath, then I gently exhale and wipe my eyes with my fluffy, black cardigan sleeve. I take a sniff at the cardigan and I manage to crack a smile when all my childhood memories come flooding back to me.

My grandmother.

The woman who practically raised me; taught me from right to wrong, the colours of the rainbow, helped me learn the alphabet, helped me with my hard math homework. She only lived a few houses down from where I live. Everyday after school I used to go to her house and she would make me laugh and smile until my sides hurt. My mum and dad were always at work so they couldn't take care of me.

Then one day, I was walking back from school and turned around the corner and the first thing I saw was an ambulance. Then as I walked a little closer, I saw both my parents, kneeling down on the pavement crying and screaming.

I will never, ever forget how loud and fast my heart was thudding that day. I will never forget how long I cried for when the tragic news was broken to me. I was only fourteen. How could she leave me? She was the only person I loved, apart from my parents. I will never forget her or how she lied to me. She had cancer and she didn't even tell me.

Life is shit. Why can't everyone be happy and pretty? I want to be perfect, beautiful and the most happiest girl on Earth. But we all know life isn't a fairy tale.

I close my eyes and lean against the bathroom door, my hands either side of my body. Slowly, I slide down against the door until I am sitting on the floor. I cross my arms tightly on my legs and bury my head in my arms. I cry a little more as more memories come flooding back.

After my grandma had died, my dad was getting sleepless nights and wasn't eating much. Most days, he didn't even turn up to work. As a result, he ended up getting fired. He wasn't himself. He wasn't the happy, jolly person he used to be. And soon enough, me and my mother found out why.
He had leukemia.

We found this out, AFTER his death. How could he? It was bad enough my grandmother keeping secrets...but my dad too?

He had died in hospital. I was the last one to hold his hand and for as long as I live, I will never forget the last words he said to me, because it was the first time he had ever said those three special words to me.

I love you.