Ever Enough (Sanlie, #2)

Chapter 25

"You're the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I love to not forgive
And though you break my heart you're the only one
And though there are times when I hate you 'cause I can't erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now I'll not hate you
It pains me to say
I know I'll be there at the end of the day."
- Beyoncé, Brokenhearted Girl

Songs for this chapter are Brokenhearted Girl by Queen B, Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis, and For A Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic by Paramore :)

ps, delayed 'yong update 'cause I was sick for two days. 5 chapters na lang!!! Na-p-predict ninyo na ba ang magiging katapusan?! Hahah

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Chapter 25

I felt betrayed.

Pakiramdam ko ay pinagkaisahan ako ng lahat ng taong mahal ko at mahalaga sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay pinagtulungan talaga ako para saktan ako ng ganito. Pakiramdam ko ay p-in-lano nila ang lahat ng ito. Pakiramdam ko ay ginusto talaga nila akong makitang umiiyak sa harap nila. Pakiramdam ko...

Gosh. Napapikit ako sa sobrang hapdi ng puso ko. Why? Why is this happening to me? Why am I falling too hard? Nasabi ko na 'to dati, eh. Ito ang mahirap kapag nagmahal ka. You are required to fall. Ang mangyayari, wasak na ang puso mo, pati na rin ang buong pagkatao mo.

I've always been afraid of falling. Paano kung wala palang naghihintay sa akin sa dulo, 'di ba? Paano kung wala palang sasalo sa akin? Anong mangyayari sa akin?

But since the day that Kuya Sandro told me he'd be there everytime I fall, I lost all my inhibitions. I wasn't afraid anymore. I put my faith in him. I was sure that whatever happens to me, he will be there.

But I guess, I put so much faith in him that's why he just threw it away that easily. Iyon ang mahirap kapag ibinibigay mo ang lahat sa isang tao, eh. Masasanay sila. Makakampante sila. Hindi na sila gagawa ng part nila kasi alam nilang andiyan ka naman. They'll start to ignore every little thing. Hindi na nila pahahalagahan 'yong dati ay pinapahalagahan nila. Everything won't have value anymore.

I guess, that's what's happening to Kuya Sandro and I.

He knows that I love him. He knows that I'll do everything to keep our relationship going. He knows that even though he lies to me, I'd still forgive him. He knows that even though he hurts me, I'd still keep crawling back to him. He knows it all.

And I know it, too. I know how much pain, tears, and sacrifice I have already done for him but I didn't care. I don't care. I won't care. Why would I? Eh, hindi naman ako nanunumbat. Hindi ako nanunukat. Hindi ako humihingi ng kapalit. Siguro, fate ko na talaga ang mahalin siya, but going through with it is not fate anymore. It's a decision. I chose to love him. And I'll forever will.

Okay lang naman sa aking masaktan, eh. Simula nang tanggapin kong mahal ko si Kuya Sandro, alam kong kasama na niyon ang sakit na mararamdaman ko sa hinaharap. Pain is a part of love. You can't say na totoong nagmamahal ka kung hindi mo pa nararanasang masaktan. Ako, inaamin ko, maraming beses na akong nasaktan dahil sa pagmamahal ko kay Kuya Sandro. Pero ayos lang. Kasi, sa tuwing iisipin ko kung gaano naman ako naging masaya sa piling niya, napapawi bigla ang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko. The happiness I feel everytime I am with Kuya Sandro overpowers the pain he inflicts to me. Parang, sa tuwing makikita ko siyang nakangiti, sa tuwing nayayakap ko siya, sa tuwing nahahalikan ko siya, napapawi lahat ng pagkukulang niya, lahat ng kasinungalingan niya, lahat ng kahinaan niya.

Pero ngayon? Kakaiba ngayon. Hindi na katulad ng dati. Unti unti na talagang nagbabago ang lahat sa pagitan naming dalawa.

Is this the end?