The Weapons Guy Part 2

Objects in Space

Cut to a volleyball, with Simmons's helmet poorly drawn onto it. Supposedly gold aluminum taped on for the visor.

Grif, in a mock-Simmons voice: Hungry? You're hungry, aren't you?

Cut back to Grif.

Grif: No, Simmons, I'm not hungry! That's not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say, is that I'm-

Volleyball Simmons: Thirsty? Glug glug.

Grif: No! What I am trying to say is that I am incredibly-

Cut to another volleyball, this time with Sarge's helmet.

Grif, in a mock-Sarge voice: Lazy? Good-for-nothin'? Waste of fatty tissue and brain cells?

Grif: Not now, Sarge! I'm trying to talk to Simmons. It's important.

Volleyball Sarge: Not as important as your job, Grif! Y'know you're supposed to be on... guard duty, ahurk-ahurk-ahurr.

Grif: Sarge, we've covered this. Technically, I am on break.

Volleyball Sarge: It's not every week that Command sees fit to send us the latest'n'greatest in invisible hover-tank technology, Grif! Instead'a guardin' it, you're over there playin' grab-ass with Private Dick Simmons!

Grif: I'm sure the tank is fine. It's not like it's gonna disappear.

Another volleyball has Ash's helmet drawn on it.

"Just blow it up." Volleyball Ash says.

"That's your idea for everything, Ash." Grif says to the volleyball.

Cut to a plot of grass mowed to look like a tank.

Volleyball Sarge: Nothin' here. Just like the inside-a that thick skull'a yours! Knock-knock, nobody's home.

Grif: Why are you blaming me? I left Donut and Lopez in charge!

Cut to Donut and Lopez vollyballs, right next to each other.

Grif, in a mock-Lopez voice: No vi nada, es la culpa de Grif. [I didn't see anything, it's Grif's fault.]

Grif, in a mock-Donut voice: I was in my bunk, giving myself a facial! Hee-hee-hee-hee! Entendre!

Volleyball Sarge: I can't tell you how disappointed I am in you Grif! But I'll try. I just finished swappin' out the headlight fluid n' convertin' the breaks to diesel! It was a finely tuned callback-killin' machine, and yooouu lost it!

Grif: I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault! Stop blaming me! I was busy! Busy, busy, busy! Busy as a bee, busy busy bee body! Body bee busy!

Volleyball Sarge: Ruinin' everything, like always n' forever!

Volleyball Simmons: I have an idea, let's make a likely list of suspects. Somebody obviously stole the tank.

Grif: C'mon guys, we know who did it. Let's just skip to Act Three.

Cut to two more volleyballs on a wall, backs showing.

Grif: Hey! We know you assholes stole our tank! Now you gotta give it back!

Camera reveals the volleyballs are Tucker and Caboose.

Grif, in a mock-Tucker voice: Look who finally showed up. You're too late Grif. It's over.

Grif: What's over?

Grif, in a mock-Caboose voice: He's dead! My best friend is dead! Purple-pineapple-random nonsense! Blahghahaha.