How I Knew

chapter one - lennon

As they wait to be matched, most people enjoy flings. There is always a mutual understanding that the relationship won't last forever. It is almost an agreement to be friends with benefits. It helps some endure the wait. However, the lines between casual and intimacy can be easily blurred.

My parents have always called me a sensitive soul, a hopeless romantic. From a young age, I've longed for the kind of relationship where your soulmate is more than just that. They are your best friend, your ally, your one and only. It's what keeps me from having flings.

For Claudia, it's different. Her parents love each other and several things about them show why they are soulmates. However, just as many also show why they are each other's worst enemy. Their relationship has been tumultuous, causing her not to entirely believe in the system. And I don't blame her. It's easy to doubt it and hate it sometimes.

There are people who have a casual partner, fall in love and the moment things are going great their match is announced.

You begin to wonder if the system is truly working in your favor or if it functions with an ulterior motive. In my eyes, it's a clear cut recipe for a broken heart.

Brushing my teeth, I think about what to wear. A heat wave is hitting Welford this week and the humidity is starting to settle in. Knowing Claudia, I'm also certain we'll be doing a lot of walking today.

She told me we'd be looking at three apartments which means we'll probably see five.

As an East Coast town, Welford is a place where you can experience all four seasons. Some days you absolutely love that you can see nature change throughout the months. Other days—like today, you can absolutely despise it.

Welford is a small suburb turned city located in the outskirts of Boston, Massachusetts. Mostly everyone ends up going to a college in Boston, Cambridge or Welford. The small minority leave the state. It's one of those towns that once you're born and raised here, it's very unlikely you leave. As a consequence, everybody knows about every breath you take and every decision you make.

Sometimes I dream about leaving Welford. Other times, I am okay with staying, settling in a place I already know. A part of me craves adventure but another is scared of taking that leap.

I loved my childhood here. I loved my college experience here. There's nothing pushing me out but maybe that's why I haven't found my soulmate.

I'm so comfortable staying within these boundaries that I have never given myself the chance to go outside of my comfort zone. I have never given myself the opportunity to experience new things and reflect and grow from them.

If I was a character in a movie or TV series, there would be zero character development to me. What can I contribute to another person when all I know is 0.025% of the United States? When I have put all of my energy into predetermining every new stage of my life.

Growth comes from the unknown. I have become so complacent with my current job, I have never stopped to think what's my next step. It's almost like I have unconsciously decided to spend the rest of my living years there.

My life has been a straight line. And that realization hurts because it has taken me this long to realize I fell victim to the Welford cycle.

All of this time I pitied Claudia for wanting to leave when I should have been pitying myself for wanting to stay in this bubble.

I stare at myself through my vanity mirror. You need adventure, my subconscious tells me.

I haven't gotten the chance to actually live life outside of Welford.

I need get to know the unknown to become the person I'm supposed to be, to become the person my soulmate is supposed to meet.

A text from Claudia interrupts my train of thought.