Built From Ash - Sequel to Burned Out

Chapter 12: Opening Up

Skeppy sat at his desk, pen in hand, an empty sheet of paper in front of him. He had sat down half an hour ago, but still didn’t have anything written on the lined paper. He spun the pen over his knuckles before chewing on the cap. Finally, he stood up. He didn’t know what to write. He had so much to say, so many things he wanted to tell his friends, but he just couldn’t find the words.

Everytime he thought of something to say, it felt inadequate, empty somehow. But he had said he’d do this ‘homework’, and when Skeppy said he’d do something, he wasn’t one to back out of it. He really did want to write the letters, he just didn’t know what to say.

He didn’t know if he was ready for the other option. But then again, wasn’t that the point of this? He would never be ready, he needed to face reality. He left his room and knocked on Sapnap’s door. “Come in!” he called. Skeppy opened the door, hinges creaking, and saw Sapnap sitting on his bed and scrolling on his phone. “What’s up?” he asked.

Skeppy sat down in a swivel chair in the corner of the room. “My therapist gave me an assignment and I was hoping you could help me with it.”

Sapnap set his phone down. “I mean, the point of those assignments is to help you. Me doing it isn’t going to do anything for you.”

“No, it’s not that kind of assignment. I’m supposed to have a little get-together to talk about Dream and George—and even Bad—and tell fun stories and just remember them a little. I just wanted help organizing it. And I want you to be there. It would probably help you too.”

Sapnap thought for a few seconds, fiddling with a pen he had picked up off of his bedside stand. “Okay.”

“You’ll help?” Skeppy asked excitedly.

“Yeah, sure. It’ll probably be good for both of us. And everyone else involved.”

“When do you want to start planning?”

“Now?”

Sapnap and Skeppy sat at the island in the kitchen, an empty sheet of paper in front of them. The same one Skeppy had been ready to write a letter on. They had decided that they wouldn’t have so much of an in person get-together, instead they’d have a discord call. Everyone would be able to be at home, hopefully it would make them more comfortable.

Their first step was to make a guestlist. They took turns writing down a list of names.

Sapnap
Skeppy
Antfrost
Awesamdude
Punz
Foolish
Tommy
Wilbur
Karl
Quackity

“Do you think it’s enough?” asked Skeppy. After all, they hadn’t written down many names.

“I think it’ll be better with less people. More meaningful,” replied Sapnap.

“Yeah, you’re right. Now is the hard part.”

“What?” asked Sapnap.

“Actually inviting people.”

They each took four names and invited them separately. Within a couple of hours, they’d all responded, and they had their guestlist finished. The group collectively decided on a date and time and that was that.

Skeppy was proud of himself. He’d not only reached out to Sapnap for help, something he’d been struggling with recently, but he’d done what Dr. Hartman had asked him to do. And in his opinion he’d done it well.

“Hey Skeppy?” asked Sapnap, breaking Skeppy out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?” Sapnap looked at him, tears welling in his eyes.

“I miss them.” A tear slipped down his face and he hurriedly wiped it away. “I miss them so much.” He choked on a sob.

Woah, woah, I was not expecting this. Skeppy didn’t know what to do, he didn’t have much experience comforting others.

“I know,” said Skeppy, reaching out to him with one arm and awkwardly pulling him in for a hug. “I miss them too.”

“I miss just sitting there at three in the morning and not saying anything, just enjoying each other’s company.” Sapnap gasped for air through his increasing sobs. “I miss making fun of them and doing random stuff to annoy them.” He laughed through his tears. “I even miss those stupid videos that we knew no one would watch, but we made for fun anyway.”

Skeppy squeezed him in a tight hug, tears filling his own eyes. “Me too, Sapnap. I’m so grateful that you’re here to get through this with me.”

“But I shouldn’t be.” Sapnap looked up at him, a fresh wave of tears falling down his face. “Why do I deserve to be here when they’re not?” His voice went hoarse. “I should have been there to stop Bad. I would do anything to have been in Dream or George’s place instead of them. They deserved to live.” He was barely whispering now. “They were so good, Skeppy. So much better than me. But I’m the one that lived.”

Skeppy didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t even sure that Sapnap wanted him to say anything. Sapnap crumpled his shirt in both of his hands and brought it to his face, leaning into Skeppy’s hug.

“When Bad came towards me… I froze. I just stood in their blood,” he took a ragged breath. “And I didn’t do anything. It should be them here, not me.”

Survivor’s guilt, Skeppy realized. He couldn’t say he felt the same way as Sapnap, he knew he’d done as much as he could to stop Bad, but he did feel guilty that he hadn’t gotten there sooner. Maybe he would have been able to save one of them.

Sapnap took several deep breaths and slowly sat up. “Thank you,” he said. “I needed to talk about it, especially if we’re actually doing this funeral thing. Thanks for listening.”

“Thanks for opening up,” said Skeppy. “You’ve been so strong this entire time, but you don’t have to be. I know I don’t always say the right things, I don’t have much experience with this type of stuff. But… it’s okay to feel like this.”

Sapnap nodded and was quiet for a minute as he continued to steady his breathing.“I’m gonna go to bed,” said Sapnap. “See you in the morning.”

Skeppy gave him a pat on the back. “Good night.” As Sapnap walked away, Skeppy spoke again. “I’ll always be here for you,” he said.

Sapnap turned around. “I know. Thank you.” He smiled sadly and walked down the hall to his room.

A/N:
Hey guys, I know it's a shorter one this week, school just started up for me and it was hard to even get this much written. I didn't have much inspiration to write this chapter specifically, but I think it turned out decent anyway. BUT I did end up getting the chapter out on time. If I don't end up getting next week's out, I apologize in advance, I promise I'm doing my best. Thanks again for reading and have a fantabulous day.