All She Wanted Was Love 3 : Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore

3: Almost Doesn't Count

For the past two weeks April had been physically sick to her stomach, her heart ached, and she was just over it and Dave. Fuck Dave and the fuckin horse he road in on. She wanted to pull a Left Eye and torch his shit, take his shit and bleach it, and throw his shit outside on the front lawn. She wanted her father to whoop his ass for playing with her feelings and emotions. She wanted to take back everything that she had given him...herself and love included. Sure she knew Dave had his issues and she knew he needed to work on them but that didn't mean she couldn't feel the way she felt. She felt like he should've just kept it real with her. With the type of relationship they had he should've been comfortable enough to let her know what was going on with him instead of feeding her false promises and giving her hope that what they had was going to be different. He made it seem like the love they had was real. She felt stuck and almost as if he had trapped her. Shit he did trap her for his own selfish reasons. She was in a new house full of new memories with a nigga who wanted her but couldn't let go of his past to fully commit to her. Mind you they hadn't even been in their home for a full year and shit was already going downhill. They had only been there for what five months if that.

Sleeping alone at night killed her and no matter how bad she couldn't stand Dave at the moment she always ended up on his side of the bed. Waking up alone set her off and seeing Dave strolling around the house pissed her off because they couldn't escape each other. They were bound to each other now that there were children involved and sure they could both walk away from the children but April didn't want that for any of them. They were all attached to each other. She felt like she ran full steam ahead then out of nowhere she crashed and burned. She wanted to pick up and leave so bad yet she couldn't because she was no longer by herself. She had two well three kids and a puppy who needed her here. Her sisters had followed her here, work was now here, yet the love she came back to LA with was now tainted, toxic, and home life no longer felt comforting home didn't feel like home anymore. Home was Dave yet Dave's home was Millie. There was never really a spot for April. April sort of felt like Millie was right she was just a seat warmer and that shit hurt something terrible. Then again Millie would know since she and Dave had been playing this game for years now.

Home was everything but comforting and if she didn't have the girls it would be pure torture. April felt like shit having to walk around in her own damn home with a fake smile plastered on her face knowing damn well she had absolutely nothing to smile about. Granted she knew the kids especially Kairi knew something was wrong but she refused not to smile around her babies. She didn't want to mope and be a sad mess around them. They didn't need to see her in that light. Shit she hated seeing herself in that light again especially when she thought those days were over. But here it was Dave had sent her ass right back to the same place she dreaded. This was a place she hated but somehow it was survival for her. It was crazy how she felt like she was on top of the world and drifting on cloud nine just two weeks ago because of course they had their issues but still their relationship was good. She had a man who loved her, was in love with her, and wanted nothing more than to be the father of her child and her husband. But it was all a façade and not on her end but Dave's. She really wished he had just kept it real with her from the beginning. She would've understood him and she would've given him the space and time he needed.

Now she felt like she had hit rock bottom. She was drowning in a sea of emotions and the one who could save her was the one drowning her. He was the one holding her head under water and she couldn't get up to breathe. He just wouldn't let her up for air. The way she was feeling she was ready to say fuck everything and go smoke a fat ass blunt but she was trying her very best to hold off until Charlie turned one before jumping back into her extracurricular activities. She was damn sure in need of a blunt and strong ass drink. Most nights she spent crying herself to sleep. She hated sleeping alone. Waking up in the morning was no better. She hated that she was even in this predicament to begin with. She had everything she had ever wanted and just like always the shit slipped through her fingers like water because as always she could never just have everything. Life never worked that way. You could have some shit but having everything was impossible and for her she could never have a man that was solely for her and loved just her.