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𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃was to sleep for the rest of the day, but ponyboy and johnny stayed in my room the whole day.
"whatta ya wanna do?" ponyboy asked us, i rested my eyes. i didn't feel like keeping them open any longer.
"susan! are you okay?!" johnny had panic in his voice, shaking me awake. i groaned.
"i'm trying to sleep, johnnycakes." i grumbled, wiping my eyes with my palms. ponyboy looked at me then back at johnny, then raised his eyebrows.
"what?!" johnny sassed at ponyboy, i wanted to laugh at johnnys sassiness, but i held it in.
"nothing man." ponyboy held up is hands in defeat. johnny nodded his head, but didn't look like he believed ponyboy. "wanna play truth or dare?" ponyboy spoke up again.
"what are you, a twelve year old?!" i asked him, cocking an eyebrow.
"it just sounded like a good idea for a second." ponyboy said annoyed. i laugh like an idiot for a second, getting weird looks from both johnny and ponyboy.
"what're you laughing about?" johnny asked with a smirk spread across his tanned face. i shake my head, still laughing like a maniac.
"i'm not sure, everything is so funny right now!" i can't stop laughing, i'm scaring myself at this moment. nothing was even funny whatsoever.
johnny and ponyboy look at each other with a look of realization. i didn't question it, just kept laughing.
life is so perfect right now. i suddenly think, but it really isn't. why was i thinking this?
"hey, yknow your brother, sodapop?" i turn to ponyboy, who looks at me with a goofy grin on his face.
"yes." he replies.
"he's so hot." i say without thinking, at that moment, i forgot about everything and it felt like i was just spectating my own life. i wish i had known what i was saying, or i wouldn't have said it.
"susan are you feeling alright?" a male voice asks from the door, i have a feeling it would be darry. of course he walks in on me saying that.
"yes, amazing actually!" i laugh, slapping my knee in the process. darry gives me a weird look, then leaves the doorway to do whatever darry does during the day.
i rest my eyes peacefully, ignoring everything else at that moment. i wanna sleep. i groaned inside my head, maybe i did out loud as well, i was already sleeping by the time i felt the covers pull over on me.
(third person, again)
❣︎❣︎❣︎❣︎
susan had fallen asleep, leaving the two boys sitting there with confused expressions written on their faces.
"she thinks sodapop's hot?" johnny asked, barely being heard by his best buddy, ponyboy.
"i guess so." pony replies, watching the girl breathe lightly. pony was a little surprised, but not that much, he already had a feeling susan liked his brother, she made it so obvious.
everyone knew it besides sodapop. everyone could read her like a book, besides sodapop.
"i wonder if soda feels the same." johnny sighs.
"probably not." ponyboy breathed. "he's never looked at her like he's looked at christina."
and he knew susan knew that as well, and pony knew that it hurt her.
sighing, johnny got to his feet. "i'm going to the lot, you coming?"
ponyboy shook his head. "i'm gonna stay here and take care of susan." johnny nodded, walking out the doorway.
johnny hated to see susan like that, he cared about her a lot, and hated to see her in pain.
he walked into the curtis living room, where steve was staring up at the ceiling and two-bit was watching the tv, obviously mickey was playing.
"where ya going, johnny?" steve asked him, who was already turning the knob.
"the lot." johnny breathed, walking through the door. johnny hated to be alone, sometimes it scared him, other times it wasn't so bad.
he just hoped he wouldn't get jumped.
of course he didn't, whenever he saw a fancy car, he hid behind different things.
laying down, the sky got darker, making his eyelids heavier than before.
how nice it'd be— to be apart of the sky.
johnny thought sadly. nothing in life ever went how he wanted it to, maybe it'd be the best to just, end it?
no. i can't, i couldn't hurt the gang like that. johnny sighed, the stars in the sky twinkled like beautiful souls. too bad it can't always be like this.
nothing gold can stay.
(susan)
i awoke to the sounds of shuffling around, blinking awake, soda was kneeling down besides the bed. i couldn't hear what he was rambling on about, i could just hear him saying please, a lot.
"soda?" i mumbled tiredly.
"susan!" he exclaimed in relief, his eyes weren't dancing like they usually would be, they looked tired and sad.
"what're you doing?" i asked, sitting up a little. the pain in my shoulder made me wince, but i did my best to ignore it.
"nothing, how're you feeling?" he asked me, propping his head on his arms.
"better." i reply, i couldn't help but stare into his beautiful blue eyes, i would rather stare into his eyes than any other sunset.
"good." he breathed. "look, i'm sorry about earlier. maybe i do all of a sudden care more because death seems more real to me than it ever did." he sighed. "i don't wanna loose you."
my eyes widened. "that's all i've ever wanted to hear from you." i sniffled, soda smiled.
"i'm glad you got to hear it from me." he ruffled my hair. "sleep well."
he turned out the lights, leaving me laying there, dumbfounded.
he doesn't like me like that, why do i wish he would still? why do i still have hope?
i need to give up on him, but i don't know how to.
i wanted to break down crying, but i knew all the boys were in the living room, probably wouldn't know how to react to a break down.
so i stayed quiet, hiding my voice, hiding behind the walls that blocked me from the world. i wish my opinion mattered, but i'm just susan randle, steve's kid sister. nothing less, nothing more.
