#GirlsShitToo

#freeyournipples

Monday before English, I went to the girls room to pee. Adree walked in as I was washing up, and said, "Dallas, wait for me!"

So I waited, feeling super awkward, because I never stayed in the girls bathroom for long. Never having many girl friends meant never having to linger in the restroom waiting for them. What was I supposed to do? Look in the mirror? Adjust the makeup I was not wearing thanks to letting go of my femininity?

After she started peeing, she said through the stall door, "That guy who took your mom's picture is an asshole."

"Well thank you. My mom deserved to be supported." I wasn't sure my mom felt that way, especially since I'd put her more in the spotlight than she already was, but I didn't mention that.

"Definitely," Adree said, coming out of the stall to wash her hands. After she was done, she touched her breasts, which really caught me off guard. I must have been looking at her weird, because suddenly she got self-conscious and said, "Sorry, they just feel really tender, I think my monthly demon is coming. Ha! I love saying that!"

I smiled awkwardly, wondering: how did Adree really feel about me? Ugh—the things that straight girls would do sometimes that would drive me crazy, like holding my hand, or groping themselves like it was no big deal. Adree, I'd decided, was the worst, because she was one of those weird dancer types who meowed and didn't know what modesty was. I'd been half expecting her to pee with the stall door open, and if she had, I still wouldn't know if it meant she felt comfortable with me as a friend or if she was trying out some weird appeal to my desire. I realized then that I would never know where I was with her, but I walked alongside her like a friend to class.

By that night, I felt genuinely surprised at how many breastfeeding moms had risen to the challenge to share photos of themselves breastfeeding their kids in restaurants. I wasn't sure if they were weekly viewers, or if the images were just evidence of the reach of social media. When I showed my mom, she cried happy tears. And normally I would say something like, "Ugh, mom, can you please not cry?" But I didn't want to condemn crying or anything else considered feminine.

So I let her cry and tell me I'm the best. Then she said, "Aren't you glad I tried on so many outfits now? I looked so good in that viral pic."

"You really did. I guess the time spent picking out the outfit was worth it." I hoped the time I was spending picking out my college and major would be worth it, too, that I would look back on my decision with pride.

A little later, I noticed all these dudes tweeting me about this change.org petition called "Free Your Nipples Dallas Delaney!" Under the description it said, "Dallas Delaney wishes she could walk around without a top on, and we do too! So why doesn't she? Let's show her our support and get her to make good on her wishes!"

So I tweeted some responses.

Dallas Delaney @DallasDelaney

I'm flattered to say that some dudes started a petition called, "Dallas Delaney: Free Your Nipples!" I totally would, guys, but I'd get arrested!

Lee Halvard @LeeHalvard2432

.@DallasDelaney, you won't get arrested at home girl! #freeyournipplesDallas #takeapictureofthat #LOOKwhatyoucandoOO

Dallas Delaney @DallasDelaney

.@LeeHalvard2432 I free my nipples at home all the time, but I'm too smart for nude selfies!

In Chemistry on Tuesday, Valerie and I continued to talk about my vlog. "My mom like...loves you," she said. "She loves anyone who tries to normalize public breastfeeding."

"Yeah, she helped my mom a lot with breastfeeding Jace. He had latching issues."

"Would you really walk around without a top if you were allowed?"

"I want to say yes," I began. "But even walking around without a bra makes me feel like I'm inviting men to creep on me, which makes me feel slutty. It's not like legalizing women's nipples in public would make our society's ideas about 'sluttiness' just go away."

"Yeah, I agree. I don't think we're going to see women walking around without tops in public in the U.S. in our lifetime. The men here have been programmed to think breasts are sexual, and so they respond to them erotically. I remember reading about a study that talked about how people in communities where women go topless don't have erotic responses to exposed nipples. To them, it's just normal."

We got back to lab work and I continued to think about a U.S. where nipples were free, where the laws were changed to allow women to expose their nipples. Women would be freer, but still imprisoned by society's ideas about exposed nipples. Sure, we could legally walk around without shirts on, but we would still be gawked at, and some people would still think we were promiscuous for it, that we were asking for attention and more, even though they didn't think the same thing about men.

I also thought about how it wasn't just men that had been programmed to be turned on or made uncomfortable by boobs; hadn't we all? If women walked around shirtless in public, it would probably take me a good long while to desensitize myself to the sight and to get used to the idea that breasts are just for feeding.

And for those first few weeks...well, I would probably enjoy it.

Like I had enjoyed watching Adree grope herself in the bathroom the day before. Would creating a free-nipple society rob us of those feelings of elation? Or would we get the elation somewhere else?

At lunch, my friends and I opted to eat on the lawn. I asked Eric, "How does it feel to walk on the beach without a shirt on?" He'd gotten top surgery when he was a freshman, so he could do that now.

"Amazing," he said. "Like freedom."

"Do you think you feel free because you can be who you know you are, or because all men are just automatically freer?"

He pondered for a moment before answering, "Couldn't say."

Then Alex said, "You know, nude laws in Finland are apparently totally lax."

"Of course they are." Heaven existed in Finland.