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#13

   *Trigger warning, details on Death, Drug abuse and Accidental Overdose*

( Lola's POV)

    I remember every little thing about the day that my elder brother died, from what I was wearing that day, to what I ate , to what we talked about; every single thing.

     Leonel was my very first friend, my closet pal, my best bud and everything more. There are no words to describe how close I was to my brother. We got into trouble together, made joint decision on what acts of rebellion would make our parents mad together, we were partners.

Some people are not close to their siblings or shy away from showing how much they like being around them, but that wasn't Leo and I.

       Leo would leave his friends to sit with my friends and I to make sure I ate, he'd playfully call himself my bodyguard when we were at parties because his attention was always where I was. I used to feel like our parents lack of attention was made up for by how Leonel was always there.

    I remember how he rushed to me when I had called him during his soccer practice because I didn't really know what to do when I got my period. He was fourteen then and almost as clueless as I was but mum talked him through everything, right after he disrupted her meetings with several calls.

    When I was ten, I told him I wanted to become an actress and he made me join drama club and also join in with me to save me from taunts and keep me company since I was new, when I decided that same year that I was into photography, he made mom and dad get me all the best photography stuffs that money could buy and offered to be my model if I ever needed one – he knew how to make me laugh without even trying. Leonel was far from perfect, but he loved me a lot.

     Whenever mom and dad were working– which was always, Leo made sure that I didn't feel their absence, he'd drag me to parties with him if he knew I'll be alone or decline invites just to sit at home with me.

    We argued a lot, especially when I had my first kiss with one of his friends or when I disobeyed him and attended a party he wasn't in support of. He was only two years older than me but always loved to act much older since our parents were too busy with work to pay attention to us. Typical.

    On the day he died, we were both supposed to attend a party. Mom and dad were out of town so we were free to go home late without them ever finding out. As the ever fashion forward person I was then, I was busy picking out an outfit to wear for that party. Till this day I'll always look back and regret the fact that I was wasting my time on such a stupid thing when I could have been sitting with him.

     The family therapist dad hired when we were in New York kept repeating that I wasn't at fault, but how can I ever believe that. I remember how that day started, it has been etched into my memory like a scene from an awful movie. Tainting my mind for months with every details perfectly engrained in my brain, making up my nightmares throughout that year and affecting me in more ways than I can say.

    It started like most days in mine and Leo's life; Mom and Dad leaving separate notes on the dining table explaining where they were and how long they'll be before they came back and then ending the notes with 'I love yous' which I doubted then.

    Leonel was always the calmer one, although whenever he was angry, he could be worst than me who was always getting mad then. I remember how I scoffed loudly at the 'I love you' when he read those letters out and how he carefully explained that our parents really loved us but their work was demanding. He always did that, try to make me understand things like that.

   We had cereals for breakfast that morning, Beatrice chopped up strawberries for us to have with our cereals, she gave Leo more and he gave her a kiss on her cheek. The driver dropped us off at school when we were through. I remember how he tried to cheer me up when I was still mad about our parents trip that day, he said, "Lo, you know I always like to look on the bright side of situations and there is a very bright side to Mom and Dad coming back in a few days time."