Let me love you

29

"Thalia." I hear him say my name and I slowly look up. He leans across the table and I'm met with his gray blue eyes as they peered down at me.

" How could someone ever be disappointed in you? You're perfect." He whispers and looks down at my lips. My stomach turns and I can feel those butterflies all over again.

" I wish my mom thought so too." I say, sitting up and sniffing a little. I'm not about to cry over her, mama ain't raise no crier. She didn't even raise me at all, actually.

"She hates me. Everything I do, she never approves and I don't know what I could possibly do anymore to make her satisfied with me." I get everything off my chest but I'm not even finished.

"But if it's her other kids, she'd applaud them for winning a game of musical chairs! And I asked her to be at my graduation, a simple favor which I don't think is too much to ask for and she doesn't show up. That's messed up. What did I do? Why does she hate me?" I question the same questions I'd ask myself when she left me. I'd probably never get an answer though.

"It's really her fucking loss." Heath said making me look up at him. That's what my dad said too but if I really was so great wouldn't she want to be around me?

"That's sweet but-"

"But nothing. It's true." He pushes and I nod, deciding to just let him have this.

"I guess. I'm just a little hurt by her not showing up, today was important to me." I said lowly, staring down at the table.

Despite how my mom acts I still love her obviously and I don't want to be mad but I feel like I put up with a lot, I'm bound to eventually be upset. I think it's fair for me to be hurt because right now I reached my breaking point.

"Then she doesn't deserve you." Heath reach's across the table and takes my hand in his, I've noticed he does this for comfort. He also seemed to have sobered up in the last hour.

"You're too good. And fucking sweet, and I'm really fucking sorry for yelling at you." He apologizes again and I can just see how bad he feels about it.

He'd said sorry twice already, which I've never heard come out of his mouth but that only means he's making progress. He's putting in work.

"It's okay, Heath. Can I ask you something else?" I look at him and now he's the one avoiding eye contact as he focuses on my hand in his, he nods either way.

"Why did you get so upset?" I ask softly, not wanting to upset him by my question.

He stayed silent for a while and lifts his head to look around.

"Just....family stuff." He answers and slowly pulls his hand away from mine. I get that he didn't want to say much about it and that's fine.

I let my curious thoughts wander and I had questions but I wouldn't ask him about it right now. I wonder what family problems be meant because when I asked him about his family, he said he had no one.

"You don't have to explain, don't worry." I smile and he nods, I feel his leg start bouncing once again even after it stopped for a while.

" Do you want more? You can have some" I push the plate of fries in front of him but he just shakes his head.

"I can't eat when I'm anxious." He mumbles and runs his hand through his hair, causing some strands to fall loosely on his face.

"Why are you anxious?" I ask, taking a bite of my fries. I'm feeling better after my whole rant, I guess all I had to do was talk about it. It felt so good to let it all out.

My problems, not something else. Although, it really does feel good when you let it all out, toilet wise that is.

"Because..." He started to answer but then just shrugs.