Bride of War (18+)

95

Monika nods, and says nothing, shifting in her place. "Well...alright. I'll leave you to it."

The door shuts with a thud. I frown and glance back for a moment and then focus back in on work. I've never been this agitated. It's probably the power. I would love to stop what I'm doing, and...Balance forbid even hold my son for but a bit but I am the definition of busy and I just can't stop. If I had known his death would be so much work I would've tried to find another way.

"I couldn't help but overhear," Nathaniel calls behind me, twirling a dagger between his fingers: I don't think I've ever seen that. doesn't matter. We have so many weapons here that maybe I just forgot.

"Hm," I grunt.

"Did you know it's been 3 years?"

I stop. "That's not possible."

Nathaniel chuckles.  I finally look up. I'm covered in dust the whole room is covered in dust. My eyes adjust to the light.

"I thought you'd do a better job, Slade. But...now you're just a different kind of lousy father."

My brow dips. I scoff. It's always my fault, isn't it? I'm a god I guess; who's else's would it be? No matter what I do, I'm wrong. I try to protect them, I hurt them. I try to save them, I neglect them. At this point, why even try?

"Okay," I mutter. "Fine. Fine. You win, Nathaniel. You're right. I was a shitty father to you and your siblings. I'm a shitty father to Zephyr. I'm a shitty husband, and I'm a shitty god. Is there...anything I'm forgetting, while I have you here?" I smile and lean back into my chair.

Nathaniel is quiet for a moment. "You've been brushing her off. You know she's just...she's sad. I get that this is important, we all get it, Slade but..."

But? It's important and I can't leave or the world end but...fuck it. It's not like we live here too. Like I wouldn't be blamed for that too. If I just walked away, and let everything collapse for sake of love and family. Like that's the better choice.

It's not. It's just a different disappointed look. I can't win for losing. What does a God have to do to get a little appreciation around here?!

But I don't say that. There's really no need. He's my child, after all, it's his responsibility to figure my life out for me. It's not his fault or Monika's that my life...sucks. It's the responsibility that comes with a being God. And I can't change it.

I can't shirk it. Maybe it was my mistake. Making a family at all. Clearly, the balance knew best. The reason we don't have families. Wives and children. Because we can't do both. I only had Monika and the children and time to take care of them and love them the best I could because I neglected my duties.

"Yes...fine. I understand you, Nathaniel. Go on now. I have work to do."

He doesn't leave as I turn around.

"She's crying. And she thinks you hear her and you're just ignoring her. We all do."

"Okay well, I'm not. I'm just...focused."

Nathaniel cues up his next statement meant to crush me. "Why can't you delegate it? Surely I could help. Fallon too, we can all pitch in—"

Oh but that would be my fault too. Because then I'd be an irresponsible parent, forcing them to shoulder my responsibilities.

"No. I don't want that on your shoulders."

"Then...I mean what's the solution? I'm trying to help, Slade. We'd all help. We want you to come out of this room. Tell us what we need to do, to help you do that."