See The Stars [Completed]

Chapter Eighteen

I woke up with a merciless headache. My whole body hurt. I groaned and tried to get up to close the blinds but there was no way in hell I could reach them. But I foolishly tried to reach them. In doing so, my hand slipped from the side of the mattress and I rolled off of the bed. My head hit the side table and my body collided with the floor. 

“Fuck.” I grabbed my head and groaned. I rolled around on the floor for a movement until the pain of the fall dulled. I glared at the blinds as I got up. My vision and my body swayed. I went to the bathroom and stripped off the little clothing I had on my body. I glanced at the mirror and gasped. There was a slight trail of blood going down the side of my face and it was coming from the place I hit my head. I touched it and winced due to the sting. 

I turned the shower on and sighed as the cold water gave me some comfort. It calmed down the knots in my hair and the pain in my head and body. But I didn’t put on shampoo for fear that it might sting my forehead further. I walked out with a small towel and opened my wardrobe for some clothes. I decided on shorts and a tube top. I try to find my phone. I looked under my duvet and found it squeezed next to the wall. My eyes widened when I saw two missed calls from Dr. Kimberly. She must've wanted to check up on me. Guilt crept up on me and I immediately died my mom's phone number. I put it against my ear and it rang and rang but nobody picked up. So I left her a message. 

Me: Call me when you get this. I need to talk to you.

Me: I miss you, mom. 

I stared at the screen for a moment and then closed it. I grabbed my headphones and plugged them in. I put the phone in my pocket and walked downstairs towards the root cellar. The only way to cure a hangover was to not be sober. 

I grabbed the same bottle of wine I dropped in the lake and went upstairs. I poured myself a glass and put some cubes in it. I drank wine with a favorite song in the background. 

There was something different about listening to a song in your headphones rather than using the speakers. It felt more intimate. More personal. Deeper. This wine was strong, I had to give it that. I only had one and a half glasses and my headache dissipated immediately. Now that all the pain was gone, I could feel a little more open to the option of having breakfast. 

I didn’t know what to make so I tried to copy what Ronan made that day. It ended up a little over-the-top disastrous sandwich. But still, it was edible. I poured myself almond milk and took my plate and walked outside. It was early in the morning. I probably collapsed early in the evening yesterday. I walked to the beach with my plate and glass of milk. I sat on the wooden dock on the left side of the beach and dipped my feet in the water. I sometimes feared that a fish would take my toes away and have them for dinner. I didn’t mind it having my toes for dinner if it didn’t hurt to bite them off. 

I sighed and ate my food. It was healing. This place, this time in the morning when nobody would be awake on a vacation, the morning wind and the music. I wish it could heal me. I wish this feeling I felt right now would be permanent. A soft shiver spread all over my body and I ate the sandwiches. I was a big eater but circumstances got in the way.  

But no matter how many times I deluded myself into thinking this would heal me, I forgot that I was going on a path where I would completely lose myself. But I couldn’t stop myself. Relapsing was a lot easier than holding on. I was used to floating on the water in my big tube, but I never really learned how to swim. Taking away that big tube was hard but now I still wasn’t swimming. I was just holding onto the walls of the pool. 

“Look who is out here so early.” 

“Fuck.” I clenched my eyes shut. 

“I didn’t want to come either. But you were talking about healing and all and I thought I should give you a reality check.” Ducky dipped her legs in the water.