See The Stars [Completed]

Chapter Sixteen

“I was thinking, that how amazing it is that just by talking to you, I feel a little lighter,” I spoke. Dr. Kimberly nodded and smiled. 

“That’s what therapy is. Because sometimes nothing makes sense until you say it out loud. Sometimes your mind is a mess and it doesn’t get cleaned up until you say what has been bothering you. It’s that simple.” Dr. Kimberly told me today that the test results had come back and she would tell me about them after the session. I didn’t ask her about them further but I was kind of curious. What change would they bring into my life now?

“So what have you been doing in the past days?” She asked me. I told her that I met Ronan's friends and had lunch with Tory too. She told me that I looked a bit brighter today. It must be due to my style which she complimented on the moment I walked inside her office. She told me doing this was good. I needed to have a little control over my life even if it meant deciding what I wanted to wear and how I wanted to do my hair. I also told her that Ronan was the one who brought me here today. She looked surprised at that.

“Oh, how did that happen?” She questioned. 

“It was Tory. He was having fun playing matchmaking.” I had to punch him once more or I won’t be able to cool down about it.

“Does Tory know about Ronan?” She asked. I nodded. 

“He guessed it. And then with his tricks got it out of me.” 

“And you have no problem with Tory knowing your past?” 

“Should I?”

“Not at all. It just shows that you are willing to try new relations.” 

“He is just a friend,” I emphasized. She smiled. 

“Friendship is one of the strongest relations out there. Sometimes, we need a friend more than a boyfriend, a family member, more than anything. Don’t belittle friendship.” 

“I would never. I know how important friends are.” I mumbled. And I also know that they never stay. 

“And how is the progress with Ronan?” 

“I don’t know.” I looked down at my hands. 

“You don’t know?” 

“I mean, I sometimes find myself talking to him, teasing him, and then there is just a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that I should back out. I don’t want to lead him on only for him to find out that I am mentally ill.” I trailed off at that. I didn’t even know what I was saying. 

“There are a lot of fears holding you back, it seems like.” She stated. She was on point and I was so off. 

“There are a lot of What ifs in my mind.” 

“For instance?” 

“What if he runs away after seeing how much work I am? What if I get worse? What if we hurt each other? What if…” I took a deep breath. “What if he still isn’t in love with me?” 

“You know what I think about life,” Dr. Kimberly said. I looked up at her trying to calm down my heart. Whenever I talked, it felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest.

“I think that instead of what-ifs, our life should be filled with well thens. Well, then that didn’t work out. Well, then at least I tried. Well then, fuck it.” She whispered the swear word like it was illegal to say it. I laughed at that. 

“That’s a really great way of looking at life.” 

“You should look at life the same way. It gets a lot easier. Because what if you regret it?” She leaned forward and raised a brow. “Well, then don’t make yourself regret it.” I smiled.