Talking to myself- YeonBin

Chapter 80- Love?

"Oh but I did~" Soobin smiled as he held my face in the palm of his hand, caressing my lip and looking at me with intoxicated eyes.

I looked at him with sharpened eyes, my stomach twisting and turning as I tried to appear okay. As I lifted my arm to push him away, Soobin shot in faster.

"Don't you dare think about pushing me again" Soobin hissed suddenly, his once freakish happiness fading into raging anger.

"Then get off" I snapped, pulling my face away in an instant.

Soobin took a step back just about big enough for me to be unable to comment on but close enough for me to feel unsafe nevertheless.

"Happy now?" Soobin asked, sharpness in his tone.

"Why would I be happy around you? Your a fucking psycho. This whole time you've been an act just tiptoeing around me and doing whatever you want. KIDNAPPING MY FRIENDS? You said you did it all for me yet you made me more worried and irritable than ever. Some amazing person you are. Oh yes I'm so happy Soobin, so happy that I was fooled by you while people just died over and over again right in front of me" I suddenly blew up, my voice raising as I spoke.

Soobin didn't speak but looked down, his angered face falling away as quick as his happiness did. What if I was too offensive? What if I was too harsh and now he wanted to kill me?

"I never wanted to hurt you" Soobin suddenly sniffled, looking back up with teary eyes.

Now, I had seen this act before. Soobin had cried once before when he had almost got caught and I remembered this vividly. Before, I let the incident go but this time there wasn't a chance in hell it would go the same. I couldn't ignore anything this monster had done.

Soobin never cried out of sadness. He only ever cried because of frustration. They were tears of lies. Tears of deceit.

"Don't try to cover it up with tears that you don't mean," I snapped. His game had been played too often for me to not see the pattern.

Soobin's crying stopped as his head shot back up. He had realised his plan hadn't worked like once before. Losing wasnt something Soobin was ever fond of and today wouldn't be the day that his point of view changed.

"I guess you really have got me," Soobin said, smiling again, making me shiver in discomfort. He really was just a fucking psycho. His emotions were unpredictable and strong and he was extremely patronising when he smiled.

I didn't have time to answer before Soobin had grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me to the floor harshly, my body hitting the ground hard, it landing with a thud as Soobin hovered above me as he pinned my arms to my sides. I was trapped.

No matter how much I squirmed and pushed, Soobin wasn't budging.

"You haven't got me at all" I hissed as I shuffled my hands subtly down Soobin's grip until I could reach his pockets. I needed to get him off but me myself wasn't a big enough threat. I didn't want to have to use violence but I knew what I needed to do.

The knife

As I rummaged my hands around I failed to realise Soobin smiling down on me until I looked up with horrified eyes, reaching the realisation that the knife wasn't where I had left it.

"Looking for this?" Soobin asked with a smirk as he dangled the knife up in front of his eyes.

"How did you-" I tried to ask but was silenced when the smooth edge of the knife was placed over my lips, the cold metal silencing me in an instant.

"Seems you forgot that I came up from behind you, the back pocket? Really?" Soobin mocked in a baby-like voice.

I was panicking, my heart racing and head rushing with thoughts. Soobin could kill me whenever he wanted. Right now, I was at his disposal.

"Looks like this is the knife Hongjoong used to kill Seonghwa. That's such a funny coincidence isn't it?" Soobin said as he laughed hysterically.

"Coincidence?" I asked weakly, my voice wavering as my worry only grew.

Soobin ignored my question completely, smiling fondly at the blade before speaking.

"I don't want to have to hurt you like I did to all those others...though...I can't help but to imagine how adorable you would look once you're dead. Maybe you'd be splattered in blood like Hyejin and Hyunsoo and I could paint with your blood or perhaps turn blue while you suffocate just how Taemin did. Oh isn't it just exciting" Soobin ranted freakishly, his face lighting up as he did so.

"You aren't even trying to hide it now, I only had that knife to protect myself and I only would have used it if I had to" I spat.

"Why bother hiding anything, we still love each other anyway, why would I need to worry?" Soobin asked. Clearly he was misled by this situation. I felt everything but love for him.

"Wanting me dead doesnt sound like love and nor do I love you, I loved the Soobin I thought I knew, not you, not this fucking monster" I snarled angrily.

"But it is love. Tell me that you love me again. I love you remember" Soobin ordered, his voice becoming desperate yet angry as he moved the knife from my lips to my throat this time the blade poking me ever so slightly.

It sounded as if Soobin wanted it to be love, but it was everything far from it.

"You don't love me" I whispered just loud enough for Soobin to hear.

"You love me remember, you need me to function, you need me to live" Soobin rambled, his voice evidently becoming more angered as he spoke.

"No I don't" I said again, my voice louder this time.

"But you do, we loved each other. We called eachother pet names, we kissed, we went on dates, we had sex. You can't say you don't love me" Soobin rambled.

I shook my head, tears threatening to form in my eyes as his speech patronised and confused me the more he went on and unfortunately he didn't fail to miss it.

"I've got you" Soobin 'comforted' as he smiled down on my fear paralysed body.

"LET GO!" I yelled as he tried to seem nice, the discomfort flowing through me now I knew he was acting. I yanked my hands away only for them to be imprisoned again by the grasp of Soobin.

Soobin looked petrified, lost, like he didn't know what to do anymore. It was like his brain was screaming 'I need to kill you' but saying 'but I can't' in response at the same time. The poignant sorrow in his eyes drove me crazy.

"Yeonjun, I need you, please. I need you in my life. I can't live without you. I can't- I'll die. Please." Soobin pleaded, suddenly resuming his sad act.

"Then die" I replied, a vicious sense of comfort fluttering in my chest looking at the despair in Soobin's acting eyes. "It'll make me the happiest person in the entire fucking world" I added, my voice almost venemous.

"You don't mean that" Soobin said as he started to shed those same old fake tears once again.

It was disgustingly pitiful

"Don't leave me Yeonjun. I don't know what I would do- what I'd do without you" Soobin cried. "Please don't leave me," he repeated over and over again, grabbing at my shirt and burying his head into my chest.

Slowly, I removed one of my hands from his grip, placing it over his back and rubbing it softly. He seemed to stop crying momentarily and then proceed to lean into my embrace.

It was working

A/N

AAAAAAAA Cliffhanger! Honestly I hope i'm writing this well, I think this is the most stressed i've felt throught writing because I really don't want to be a disappointment. Soobin's literally a mess though but what more can you expect?

Also, question. What do you guys think will happen next? I want to know what you think before I release it

Votes and comments are highly appreciated as always

Love you all lots and lots (for real, I'm not like Soobin) :)

~Author C