Teaming with Problems

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"Uh, why don't we all just go down the line and introduce ourselves." Simmons says.

"Um, hi, yes." Caboose goes first. "My name is Michael J. Caboose."

"Hi, Michael." The recruits say.

Simmons turns to Caboose. "No, I meant the recruits. Why would we need to introduce ourselves? They already know us!"

"Yes, but do they know the REAL us?" Caboose asks.

"What does that even mean?" Tucker asks.

"Well, that's a very interesting question, Tucker. Why don't you elaborate on those feelings?"

"Ugh, just state your name." Tucker says to the recruits. 

"And tells us a fun fact about yourselves!" Simmons says.

"Really?" Grif asks.

Smith: (clears throat) Permission to speak, sir?

Tucker: Uh, go for it?

Smith: Thank you, sir. Lieutenant John-

Grif: Hey, G.I. Joe? Could you drop the act? We don't have all day.

Smith: Oh, um very good, sir. My friends call me Smith. I've served the New Republic faithfully for several years and I believe Captain Caboose is one of the wisest individuals I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Sir!

Grif: Great. Another kiss-ass.

Simmons: You mean our Caboose?

Smith: Yes, sir.

Simmons: This one right here?

Smith: Correct.

Simmons:...The blue one?

Tucker: Okay, moving on. Next?

"Um... My name is Atticus Axel." Axel starts. "And um... I got this job by winning a Rock, Paper, and Scissors match between the rest of my platoon.  Um..."

"Is he stupid or something?" Grif asks Ash.

"I dunno." Ash says. "I liked his name, so I added him to my platoon."

"Oh my God." Tucker groans.

"Uhhhhh.... I like the color red." Axel finishes. 

"Moving on." Simmons says.

Jensen: Hello, everyone. I'm Katie Jensen. I enjoy vehicle maintenance, biology, uh...

Jensen grabs her throat and begins choking. She then falls over, gagging. Cut to the Reds and Blues staring at her.

Grif: Uh, should we do something?

Jensen gets up.

Jensen: (coughing) Sorry. Choked on my own spit.

Tucker: Simmons, what the fuck is this?

Simmons: It was either her or the really hot one that plays volleyball.

Tucker: Then what the fuck is this!?

Simmons: She makes me less nervous, okay! Just leave me alone!

"Should have gone with the hot one, dude." Ash says.

"Shut up!" Simmons yells at Ash.

Grif: Next.

Bitters: (unenthused) I'm Bitters. My fun fact is that I don't have a...fun fact.

Grif: Total. Maverick.

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