Too Good to be Bad 2 | Negan |

23 - I don't need you

It's Negan who comes up with the plan. Of course, he's had the most practice, walking with the dead. We will use the tactics the Whisperers used against us to catch our new enemy by surprise. I stare at the newly-made skin-mask in my hands and remember the first time I saw one from up close.

We will cut you into little pieces and send them to your friends. And when we're done, what's left of you will walk with us.

The Alpha still haunts my dreams. I know she's dead, I know she can't hurt us anymore. But that doesn't stop me from waking up sweating, convinced she's right there and ready to plunge her knife into me.

I realize that my hands are shaking, so I ball them into fists, tugging the mask into my jacket. I am not well. I know that much. Everything that's happened since the Whisperers showed up has taken it's toll on me. But I can't let it control me. I can't freeze today like I did when our new enemies found us at the safe house. We have to get it done today. Get it done and go home. I survived the Whisperers, I can survive this too.

A noise draws my attention to the trees and when I see Negan approaching me, I plaster on a smile. I'm done falling apart around him all the time.

'Hey', he greets me. 'You ready?'

'Born ready', I say smiling broadly. 'Can't wait to wrap my face in the skin of a dead person and kill some assholes.'

Negan raises an eyebrow and looks at me sceptically.

'What?' I ask innocently. 'Too much?'

'Just a bit.'

'Well, I'm as ready as I'll ever be. Are we going?'

'In a minute', he says, crossing his arms a little apprehensively. 'But listen, I was talking to Alex and Maggie and we kind of agreed that... maybe you should sit this one out.'

'Oh. How nice that you guys agreed on something', I say sarcastically. I knew this was coming. Alex has been throwing me concerned looks all day and Maggie already asked me if I'm feeling up to it.

'Lara', Negan says in a condescending tone that pisses me off. 'You haven't been yourself. You can't freeze out there.'

'I won't', I snap, avoiding his eyes. He doesn't need to know that that's exactly what I was thinking about.

Negan lets out a frustrated sigh.

'I thought you hated violence. Why are you so eager to do this?'

'Of course I do, but I won't let all of you do this without me. There's already so few of us.'

'I think-'

'Stop it', I interrupt him. I don't want to hear another thing about it.'

'Just hear me out for a moment.'

I roll my eyes and throw up my hands agitatedly, but I don't protest.

'I think recent events have left you deeply traumatized. It keeps playing round and round in your head, doesn't it? I can see you drift off. I've heard you talk in your sleep. I see you wake up with tears on your face.'

'Ooh, you think I'm traumatized?' I snarl, my voice again dripping with sarcasm. 'Of course I'm fucking traumatized, genius, who isn't these days?'

'Jesus', he mutters tiredly, rubbing his eyes. 'All I'm saying is, some of us can handle these things better than others.'

'So I'm not handling my trauma's well? Did you get your psychology degree in prison or something?'

'I'm just trying to protect you', he says, ignoring my sneer.