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"Patient lover, oh, my babe How you fix my heart, oh, darling Everything I've done you knew you known I ain't really never had a home Damn I really hate feeling alone And maybe you can make me feel at home, baby"
[NAMILS POV]
i paced around my room anxiously, i hadn't heard from y/n in days. sometimes if she was feeling off she'd reply late, late meaning an hour but not fucking days. i scratched at the faded marks from a few months back, i stopped cutting once i met y/n but now that it seemed she was gone everything went to shit even if it was for a couple days. y/n was my life even if we weren't dating officially. we met through some mutual friends, when we talked it was like an instant connection. we were like a couple but not officially a couple.
why doesn't she understand that i'm mentally ill and her leaving me is gonna make me worse. i know my attachment isn't healthy but she's all i have.
my phone rang, her contact photo popping up, immediately snapping me out my thoughts. "hey bae" she said acting like everything was okay, it was not fucking okay. was she fucking serious? you just don't leave somebody with the issues i have, and then come back like everything is fine.
"wassup" i said purposely acting indifferent.
"i'm so sorry i was gone for so long, i got into trouble with my dad so my phone was gone for a bit...." i watched as her eyes scanned around my wrists as she tried to peer up my hoodie. i showed her my wrist, feeling proud of myself for not relapsing for once.
"good!" she said smiling, i swear it could light up a whole town. "i was so worried about you relapsing i felt so shitty—"
"no don't feel shitty...i'm just too dependent on you and that's not fair"
"maybe? but i like being there for you and making you happy, and when i finally come out there just know i'm never leaving your side"
i rolled my eyes and snorted, i've heard that over and over again.
"yeah ok..."
"i wouldn't! i love you too much."
love? that was a new word. i deadass love her too but there's still such an uneasy feeling in my stomach, it almost made me wanna puke.
"i love you too"
it was an awkward silence for a while then she just smiled,
