Take Me Home (City Series #4)

Chapter Thirty-One

L

"Huh?" He let out a nervous laugh. "Anong klaseng tanong 'yan?"

"Simpleng tanong. May natulog ba sa condo mo kagabi?"

"Malamang mayroon. Ako."

"Wag mo akong pinipilosopo, Nathan."

Tumaas ang kilay niya. "What's going on ba?"

"Ikaw mag-sagot niyan. Ikaw 'tong 'di maka-sagot ng simpleng tanong."

"Eh nonsense naman kasi 'yang tanong mo."

"Sagutin mo lang, Z. Mayroon ba o wala?"

He let out a breath and refused to look at me.

And here it is again. The lump I've been swallowing the whole day is back and bigger.. and it's ready to make me a sobbing mess.

"Wala." Umiwas siya ng tingin.

Tumango ako.

"Kahit sina Miggy man 'yan?"

"Does that matter—"

"Yes. Yes, it does." I looked away, focusing on the stop light in front of us. "So please just tell me the truth before I go insane."

Hindi ko alam kung gusto ko bang malaman ang sagot. Ang totoo. Pero kailangan ko. Kailangan ko.

"Wala."

"Kailangan ko lang naman malinawan, Z.."

"Can we talk about this when we get home?"

Kinagat ko ang labi ko at tumingin sa labas. I was quiet as he drove and I just continued picking on my fingernails.

I wanted to talk about us. About how we ended up here. How we ended up with one lying to the other, when we used to tell each other everything without even asking.

The silence between the two of us was what hurt me even more.

Because it made me feel so hopeless.

It made me feel like.. ako lang ang lumalaban para sa aming dalawa.

Parang pa-suko na rin siya.

Parang bina-balewala niya lahat ng ginagawa ko para lang maisalba yung relasyon namin. Parang ako nalang yung pilit na umaabante, pero siya 'tong naka-handbrake naman pala. Hindi ko alam kung.. kung ako ba? Ako ba? Saan ba ako nag-kulang?

Hindi ko na pinigilan ang iyak ko. Halos kasabay na rin ng iyak ko ang pag-buhos ng ulan kaya naman 'yun nalang ang pinagtuonan ko ng pansin.

Pero hindi ko kaya.

Lumingon ako kay Z na hindi pa rin tumitingin sa akin. He parked his car in the basement, and once the car was parked, tinanggal ko na agad yung seatbelt. I grabbed the pair of earrings from my pocket and placed them on his cup holder.

"Ayan. Bigay mo sa best friend mo, ah."

Bumaba na ako ng sasakyan at dumiretso sa elevator nang 'di siya hinihintay, pero nahabol niya agad yung sa elevator sa pag-sara.

"Lia."

Tahimik lang ako habang tinitignan siya. The man I fell in love with.. before all of this. Before Manila and this condo and all those travels and all those arguments about college.

He's different now.

"Just talk to me."

"Ayaw mo akong kausapin sa sasakyan, tapos ngayon papagsalitain mo ako?"

He let out a deep sigh as the elevator doors opened. Dumiretso kaming dalawa sa unit niya, at binuksan niya naman ang pintuan.

Tahimik akong umupo sa backrest ng sofa at tinignan siya nang maigi. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms. Parehas kaming nag-aantay ng gagalaw, ng mag-sasalita.