One Night - Drarry

Without Harry Potter

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We're starting the story with Harry writing down his thoughts (you'll know what  it is...) in a more simple way i'd personally say he is overthinking things. If you want, just skip the letter cause it's awfully long .

<_Harry's Pov_>
Harry was in his room, seated on his bed with his quill and a big piece of paper.
"Let's just gets this over with." He mumbled to himself as he started to write.

________________________________________

Dear someone who found this letter,
I don't know if i should be glad if you found me, i don't even know if i can see you. (whoever you are) Mainly because till the time you'll be reading this, I mean if you read the moment you found the letter that would mean that i am in front of you with my whole arm full of blood and cuts with a knife in my hand. Yeah ironic isn't it? After killing so many people and losing the one family i had left, i decided that the-boy-who-lived shouldn't live anymore.
Maybe Filch and his new cat found me, cause from the list that's i have he seems to be the only one who would be creepy enough to come into the room of requirements on a Sunday night, or maybe its Luna? so sorry if you had to see me like that (if you did that is).

Kay I'll stop beating around the bush and say my peace, the reason i have killed myself is because i don't have a reason to live. I don't have a family to cry to. I don't have friends that i can go to and i am very sorry if you feel hurt Ron and Hermione but its true, ever since Sirius died i thought, 'my friends will be here for me and give me a shoulder to cry on' but that wasn't true, you guys were so wrapped up in eachother to slightly care about me. Granted that your world doesn't revolve around me but atleast if you both called me your friends, you two could've just asked me At least once?
'are you okay harry?'
Seem such small words don't they? But i felt the need to hear those words so bad that i started to cut myself, to feel the pain so i could cry and feel... occupied?
No one noticed for the month that we all had been back to hogwarts that i hadn't eaten more than 2 biscuits for about a week. Its not like i didn't want to, i couldn't because every time that i went back 'home' my uncle would quite literally break my bones, ribs , face and for what? Because i was washing the dishes too loudly.
Auntie would verbally abuse me and slap me a couple times if i put too much sugar in the tea and as further punishment, they wouldn't give a bite to eat for weeks and after that start giving me burnt food and scraps from the dishes. Dudley would use me as a punching bag, blame all his shit on me and i'd get beaten by his ass of a father.
On top of that ever since i came back here, i have been having dark nightmares. I am pretty sure it's this muggle term called PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. I feel like dying everytime i see a place where someone i once cared for died.
I dream about them saying 'you killed me harry! Its your fault!' And i actually agree with them at some point. I killed them, not Voldemort. Me.

Okay so the only person left that I hadn't talked about is, Malfoy. Hi Draco. I don't actually know who all might get to read this letter, i hope this doesn't go to the daily prophet, (lets make that my dying wish as i am going to say something very VERY personal now)

Draco, as much as you loathed me, i think you might have gotten over a little bit on that hatered as i saved you from that fire, right here in this room... or maybe i hurt your pride and you hate me even more considering you never even said thankyou. That's how i think that you might not be the one to find me dead.
With that being said, i would like you tell you that, i never 'Hated' you. OKAY, here comes the secret which i don't want going in the daily prophet,
The whole time that i was alive, i have been living with the feeling called, unrequited love for Draco Lucius Malfoy. Of course i could NEVER tell this to anyone and it absolutely broke me to shreds whenever you were mean to me Dray but i guess that's why i call you my unrequited love.
I l0ved you more than i could ever love myself Draco. And knowing that you could never know while i was alive, I guess it's was also one of the reasons that I desperately wanted to die. Because the same time that i didn't want you to know about my feeling, was the same Time i wanted you to know about them and that was very hard to handle.
Honestly... I was very surprised when you didn't tell Bellatrix that it was me, I thought you'd be very happy if i was dead and that was a very good moment when you could've with one word, ended my pitiful existence.
Anyway I know you wouldn't care less to even try and read this, so unless he reads it, I hope no one will tell him. It would be the worst way of telling someone I loved them.
Anyone who'd read this would never even imagine that the 'golden boy' or 'the boy who lived!' Wrote this letter.
Its not a letter exactly. Its a suicide note.

This honestly went too long but i guess i have been dealing with too much shit to cover in half a page.
I'd like to end this by saying that, i DONT exactly say that i died because of you Herms and Ron, i am just saying that you weren't there when I needed you, so don't blame yourself too much.
Dying was the only choice i had left.
By dying, i could get hope that i might feel loved and not by strangers for killing that arsehole Tom... but feel Loved by my parents, my godfather, hell i might even forgive Dumbledore up there who knows?
But there's a part of me that says maybe there is no meeting them at all, maybe there is no afterlife.
We'll just have to find out.
Goodbye everyone.
I'd just write Harry Potter, but then again I'll be no longer be alive so, its better without me than with me, am i right?
So here it goes,
Sincerely,
Without Harry Potter.
________________________________________________________

Harry sighed loudly as he folded the letter neatly and put the letter into his bed side drawer as he wiped the tears that were covering his face.

He got up, and headed to the main hall for his last supper. As he entered the hall, he saw everyone seated in their seats, mumblings and chatters were echoing throughout the hall and the smell of the delicious feast filled the room.
Harry felt nauseous but took his seat next to Ron, he noticed that they were so wrapped up in talking and smiling at eachother, they didn't even realise until after that Harry was there .
"Oh hey mate, didn't see you there." Said Ron and he smiled at Harry and continued eating.
"Hey harry." Said Hermione as she give harry a glance and focused on eating.
Harry sat there thinking that this was probably the last time anyone was going to see him alive.
He looked at the knife that was beside the chicken in front of him, and he thought, perfect.
He looked around, and when no one was looking, he took the shining blade and hid it under his robe. The moment he looked up, his eyes met a beautiful pair of grey ones from across the hall.

Draco... did he see me?
Draco held the gaze but then after a minute he broke the eye contact as he continued engaging in a conversation with Pansy.

Grate. Harry thought as he sighed and took one last look at the boy he loved so dearly as he picked up one cupcake and left the hall.

As Harry started to leave, Draco eyed him from behind with a look of curiously.

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Heyyy!!!!! If you are reading this, thankyou!
This is my first Wattpad story, I got inspired by my friend who has written and published a LGBTQ novel called 'The Body We Live In'
You can find it on amazon hehe.
Any replies are by my friend to the above stanza

Also please tell me suggestions or things you want to read like, if you want to read detailed smut or want me to add Draco's mum in the book (like a sweet son and mother moment or something ) i will surely add em,

Bye lovelies!!!!!!!
Published: 13 July 2022
Edited: 14 July 2022
~ gazing starts in love <3