Don't Say You Love Me

Chapter TWENTY SEVEN

My mouth is so dry. My heart is pounding. I was so excited to go and see him again - kiss him again - and now I feel like I was just taken for a ride.

I'm embarrassed, but I say it this anyway, "I didn't know."

Lola lets out a laugh, but then her smile fades. "Seriously? No one told you?"

I shrug, and now I feel like I little kid. "I didn't know anyone knew we were hanging out."

"Someone always knows, Teegan. It's Avila. I don't even live here and I know everything." She seems to be less angry at me now, which is good, I guess. "Well, I feel like a bitch for yelling at you. But still. It's even worse because he didn't tell you himself."

I know she's right. If he had told me, maybe it wouldn't have mattered. But now I know that Lola and I have both kissed the same guy and it's so weird, my stomach tightens. Screw him.

"He's not a bad guy. I loved him, for real. But if he had cared about me at all, he would have told me that he was moving away. I had to tell everyone that I didn't know where he was, all while feeling heartbroken and empty. It sucked," Lola goes on.

I have never had this long of a conversation with her and especially not about something as heavy as this. She doesn't seem like she's try to cause drama or make me feel worse than I already do, which I appreciate.

"Sorry," I say quickly, and nothing else.

"If you didn't know, you didn't know." She shakes her head. "And I'm not telling you what to do. Just be careful. He's unpredictable. I mean, I was so mad at him that I had sex with Raff and Josh and Tyler C. all within a month of him being gone. And I made sure he found out about it when he came back. Also, the night of the first party - you know, when Luke's crazy girlfriend threw beer at you? - Cohen came to try to talk to me, to get me to take him back."

My stomach hollows out. The thought of him trying to get back with Lola that night almost kills me. I saw him walking towards the party when I was walking home, covered in beer. Now I know where he was going. I didn't even know him then, at all.

"We are... were... just friends," I spit out, backing away from her now.

"Sure. He never kissed you, then?" Lola asks, and I can't tell if she knows or if she's just assuming. Either way, I hate her right now. "He's kind of a loose cannon. He could just up and leave tomorrow, and I don't want to see you hurt, like I was."

Right, like she's really all that concerned about me.

"I'm fine," I tell her, and then spin on my heels and go out the back door.

Once I'm on the beach, my bare feet in the sand, I realize it's pretty close to raining. Actually, I can already feel some rain drops. That's a perfect metaphor for how I feel right now. Dark, cloudy.

My phone is out and in my hand before I know what I'm doing and I press his name, to call him. I want to hear his voice and I want him to say none of this is true, but I know it won't happen.

"Hey-" he answers, but I interrupt right away.

"What the hell, Cohen?" I yell, breathing too fast.

"What-"

"Your ex-girlfriend is Lola? My step sister?" I shout.

"Teegan, I-" he tries, but I don't let him finish any sentences.

    "I can't believe you. I trusted you and I thought we were actually friends. I let you kiss me, and you..." I'm so mad, and I'm disappointed and I'm hurt.

"Teegan, I'm sorry." He actually sounds sorry, but also completely caught off guard.

    "Sorry? Really?" I yell. I want to hear him out but I also want to hang up and never hear his voice again.

"I was going to tell you-"

    "Right. Well, you should have told me a long time ago. Because I feel really fucking dumb right now, and I know you ghosted her, too. I should have known you were... not what you said." I want him to know that I'm angry and I'm hurt.

"Teegan, I am."    

I can tell he's trying, but at this point I just don't care. I decide quickly that I don't want to talk to him anymore, because I'm about to start crying and I don't want him to hear that.

"Don't get in touch with me again, okay? I'll be switching my Friday shift, too," I tell him, squeezing my eyes shut.

"I... please..." he begs, but I have already made up my mind.

    "Bye, Cohen."

It's the anger and the embarrassment that makes me end the call so  drastically. I feel like I was being played this whole time. When I went to the Pirate's Cove with him, when I flirted with him and took his number, and when I went to see him last night. I let myself feel things for him because I thought he and I could be something good, even if it was just for a little while.

But it all came crashing down tonight. And the sky opens up and it starts to downpour before I can get even back to the deck.