I know what she felt! I know what she's meaning to do! I just can't risk it! Mamaya ay may kung sinong mapadpad sa gawing iyon at makita kaming magkahawak ng kamay! How will I explain that to the people around me?!
While I even let myself sit on her lap for a few minutes, tapos ayaw kong makipag-holding hands sa kanya?!
Hindi ko napigilan ang mapahilot sa sintido sa naisip. How can I really have my wits straight, kung sa tuwing aksama ko siya ay pakiramdam ko mababaliw ako!
She never failed to make me feel those fluttering butterflies. She never ceased to look at me with those wanting ocean blue eyes and touch me to places that I never knew I once had.
These feelings that I keep pushing, just ended coming back. Stronger and fiercer.
Nang makarating kami sa bahay ay hindi ko na siya inantay pang makababa. I immediately enter my house and storm my room to take a bath.
I need my bubble bath! I need to think straight! I at least need a reset!
Marahan akong lumubog sa pinaghalong bula at tubig habang nagpapakawala ng isang malalim na buntong hininga.
I lean my head on the side of my tub as I look at the series of bubbles in front of me. Marahan ko silang inipon sa harapan ko, scoop them with my palm and unconsciously blow on it, feeling like I could just blow away all these thoughts.
What should I tell her this time?
I cried in front of her. I cried my heart out. I told her that I don't like her like it was a prayer that I wanted so bad to come true.
I cried because I know, deep inside of me, that I still don't have the heart to tell her how I feel, and I would rather deny it.
I cried because I'm so scared.
I'm so scared that I... I like her so much.
I like her so much that hearing her loved someone for years makes my heart burn from jealousy.
I like her so much I would rather not tell her what I feel. I would rather silence all these feelings than to put both of us in grave situations.
I don't want to hurt her... it actually scares me to the core.
Because I know too, deep inside of me, that it will be a battle between her and what the media portray of me.
A love that will put my career on the line.
It's not a homophobic remark, but the truth. This is still a closeted country, conservative enough to affect all of my projects and promotions.
Should I just continue modelling abroad? Sa lugar na legal ang mga ganoong relasyon?
Agad akong napailing sa naisip. What am I even thinking about?! Grabe na talaga ang hatak sa akin ng babaeng iyon!
When I finally decided to finish my night rituals and settle myself in my silk sleepwear, ay tuluyan na akong lumabas mula sa bathroom.
I found Emir in the balcony. Hindi na suot ang polo niya, only leaving her with her white crop top and black city shorts. I let out a heavy sigh before stepping closer to my balcony.
The cold wind resemble the whistling wind at the beach a while ago as the night towered over us at tanging ang liwanag sa buwan lang nagsisilbing ilaw sa aming dalawa.
"Hey, what are you doing here? Malamig rito, Emir." I whisper softly while leaning slightly at my sliding door. When she heard me ay marahan lang siyang lumingon sa akin, before retreating her eyes at bumuntong ng isang malalim na hininga.
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SALIGIA SERIES #1: SUPERVIA
RomanceSUPERVIA /n./ : "... a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self..." Disclaimer: SALIGIA SERIES will be a collection of stories that will revolve about women lov...
