Across the Pond

Chapter 42

With mom and Grandma Ruby gone, the silence that takes up the air now is painful.

Danny rubs his jeans before standing up. "I better get going, too."

"You're leaving?" I ask.

"Yeah. I have an early morning tomorrow."

I know that if Nico weren't here, Danny would stay, but I don't blame him for leaving. Nico hasn't exactly been Mr. Nice Guy.

"Okay," I stand up and say, meeting his stance. I press my lips together, then give him a smirk that reads 'wish tonight didn't suck', but he assures me that none of Nico's taunting got the best of him when he kisses me on the lips. When I pull away, I see that Nico's head is turned the other way.

"Thank you for tonight," he tells me. "I had fun."

"You're welcome," I smile, my voice somewhat squeaky as I come back to planet Earth after that kiss. "Let me walk you out."

"I think the guy can manage on his own, BC," Nico sneers.

"It's called having manners, Nico. Maybe you should try it sometime."

***

When I make my way back to Nico, I find him sitting in the same spot, except this time, his hands are laced together, laying over his knees, and he's looking down at the floor.

He lifts his head up and watches me walk towards him. "BC, I-"

"I don't want to hear it, Nico," I say, stopping him with my hand. My voice sounds tired and that's because I'm mentally drained.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Let me guess - something along the lines of, 'the guy's a dick. I don't trust him and neither should you'."

"Okay. That was half of it..."

I begin to make my way inside when he jumps up from his seat and reaches for my hand.

"Can you hold on for a sec?"

I stop in place, but pull my hand away from his grip. "Enlighten me then. What was the other half?"

He pauses for a few seconds before admitting, "I broke up with Cara." When I stand there, unfazed, he continues. "Why don't you look surprised?"

I shake my head and press my lips together. "Because I'm not."

Nico angles his head, confused. "Did Brooks mention something?"

"No. I assumed there was trouble in paradise when we were at your house jet-skiing while she was at the beach five minutes away."

"Oh," he pauses. "Well, what are you thinking?"

"What does it matter? What you choose to do in your romantic life is none of my business."

Nico appears perplexed by my statement. "It matters because I'm confiding in you, BC. I mean, you can try and be a little bit more supportive here."

"I support you in any decision that you make, Nico. You know that."

"Yeah, well it doesn't feel that way."

Nico's waiting for me to respond, but I don't have anything to say. Maybe I am starting to slip away from him...and maybe that's okay.

"I'm going to head in," I say. "It's late."

I can't keep my gaze on Nico for too long because if I do, I'll feel guilty about walking away from him, even though I know that I have to.

When I finally make the decision to turn away from him and head for the house, he calls out:

"I want you, Bella."

I look down at the floor and squint my eyes, trying to decipher what I just heard. Or what think I just heard.

"As more than just a friend," he continues when I stand there with my back facing him. "I always have."

"You don't know what you want, Nico."

I hear him walk up from behind, but I still don't turn around. That's when he reaches for me.

"Don't, Nico."

"Don't what? Why are you pushing me away?"

"Because, I can't do this anymore," I turn around and say, my tone louder than before. "I can't, I'm sorry, Nico. I can't love you the way that I used to. It's too much."

"You love me the same way that I love you, BC."

"No," I shake my head and claim. "I don't. I love you more than that. And that's why I can't do this. I've got to move on with my life and figure out who I am without every emotion of mine being tied to you."

"9 years of history between us, and what? You just want to give it up?"

"No. I want to move on. We can't keeping having this conversation, Nico. The conversation where you tell me that you don't want to lose me, but I tell you that I have to break away from you because it hurts too much to be in love with you."

"But I'm telling you that I love you like that, too. Why don't you believe me?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know...timing. I finally meet a guy and feel ready to move on from you, and suddenly, you're breaking up with your girlfriend and confessing your feelings for me? You can't expect me to believe that what you're saying is true, Nico."

He gets even closer to me so that our faces are right in front of each other. "Bella, this has nothing to do with Danny. You know what I think? I think that you're so afraid of me loving you, that you're choosing to push me away because actually accepting what my feelings are for you is harder to do. And you want the easy way out."

"Yeah, and do you blame me?"

"Yes, because I don't understand it."

"What's there not to understand? You don't know how to love, Nico."

I don't mean to snap like that, but the words just tumble out. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," I retract my statement and say, but it's too late. Nico's clearly hurt by my words. He's standing there, looking at me, pained.

He nods his head at me - not in a way where he agrees with me - but in a way like he can't believe what I just said.

"If there's one thing I know how to do, Bella...it's loving you."

And just like that, the conversation is over. And Nico is in his car, driving away.