Diary of a black coquette ♡

♡ Clueless ♡

This is something I've been meaning to write about. I know it's corny to say but clueless means a lot to me.
Mostly due to the fact that I have never really had any sense of identity or anything to relate to before it. But when I started to dress up and find my aesthetic/style. My older siblings always used to say how I dress like the girls in clueless. Which me being a born in the Y2K, I literally had zero idea what they were talking about and didn't care honestly because of it.

But I was bored one day, it was quarantine, you get the idea. And I sat down and watched the whole movie.

Something I have to explain first before I can go into detail about why I relate to clueless so much. Like I said in my section personal. That my mother is narcissistically abusive to me and has been since I was little. My whole life I have been trying to get her love and the only time she ever validated me was when I was exactly like her. When I stopped trying to get my mothers validation. I realized I wasn't my own person. Everything in my life was connected to her. So I began to look into things I like in my childhood to have some sense of self. And I eventually stumbled upon this Y2k bimbo, mean girl, girly girl, brat aesthetic that I identified with. But not enough to feel like I belonged.

And then I watched clueless. And I was totally shocked and kind of scared of how much I reflected Cher Horowitz's character. My whole life I've hated myself and have never been my own person. And then finally I watch this movie and I have something to relate to and a character I can actually identify with. From the way she dresses, most of Chers problems, her aesthetic, the way people perceive her. Is just like me.

I've always known that I've had this type of aesthetic but never knew exactly how it looked. When I watched clueless for the first time it was like someone gave me a book on how to be Candice. And it is comforting to know I'm not weird that there are people out there like me. Even if she is a fictional character.

And even when I watch the clueless tv show. Literally the first episode alone was super fucking relatable to me. And idk it's just comforting to see. And it really helped me know my identity and even who I want to be. 

Unlike other y2k it girls that I have looked up to Cher is the most similar to me.
-she is a shopaholic/materialistic
-"argues" with people to get her way
-not into high school boys
-clueless (duh)
-helps out her family
-very focused on school
-her sense of style