Consumed -[Completed]

Air

{death: noun//
the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism.}

  "What're you thinking?" Ashton whispers quietly, reaching across the bed for my hand. I keep my eyes fixed on the wall, willing myself to conjure up a lie. "Hey, Scar, look at me."

     I comply rotating my head to see him, and with a single glance I can't spit the lie out of my mouth. "Death." I whisper shamefully.

     Ashton doesn't say anything for a while, just looks at me pitifully. I can't will myself to look away nor can I read his expression. Once again, I'm left unsure of the things he's thinking. Perhaps he's trying to conjure up something to ease my mind, as if he knows every ounce of pain that scorches through my veins personally. Our eyes stay locked and my hand stays in his and we still don't speak until he can no longer stand the silence.

     "I love you." He mumbles, and I realize it's the first time he's just bluntly stated such a fruitful statement.

     "Ashton..." I sigh unable to profess the same feeling back to him.

     "Before you say that I'm wrong, just know I know that I'm not. I know you think you can't love anyone or you'll get hurt, but I will never hurt you---"

     "I'll hurt you. In the end, I'll be the one to break you and I can't..." I trail off panting, unsure of where my mind has taken me.

     To a place where light doesn't exist and air isn't available.

     Ash's grip tightens on my hand, pulling me somewhat back to reality. I gasp, searching to fill my lungs. There's not enough air in the room, I'll never acquire enough air in this lifetime to actually live.

     I try to ground myself, holding onto Ashton and the comforter tossed haphazardly over the mattress. Though when Ash's hand leaves mine I lose part of my hold until a light breeze brushes over me.

     Rushing to the window I hang half my body out, breathing the fresh air deeply. "Let's go to the beach." Panting I glance at Ashton awaiting his disapproval, for he hates sneaking out.

     "I dunno, it's kinda late---"

     "Please, Ash, I need to get out of here." I plead and with a sigh he nods, shuffling me out the window quickly.

-----

     I watch the waves crash against the rocks and compare it to my life. It's nice to have someone to compare it to, the painful nights crash into me like the dark waves of the ocean.

     "You know," Ash begins peaking over at me, "I'm very scared that I'll wake up one day and you'll be dead..."

      "Maybe I'm better off dead, Ashton."

     "No." He murmurs and I believe the conversation has evaporated, until he stands taking me with him. "You are very much meant to live and I'll spend my life proving to you that you are."

     "I don't know what's wrong with me..." I admit, looking into his eyes. "I hate it."

     "Not everyday has to be bad, you just have to find the good in something. Even if everything else is shitty, find something good."

     "That's a lot harder to do than it sounds." I mutter dropping my head into my hands.

     I'll never escape this agony.

     "Pick something, anything, right now. What makes all this worth it?"

     I weigh my options, debating on saying the first thing that's entered my mind. I decide to go with it.

     "You." I mumble, closing my eyes. "You." I repeat with a shaking voice.

     Before I have time to breathe, let alone think, I'm in Ashton's arms with his lips pressed against the top of my head. "I love you." He hums over and over until I've fully relaxed into him, thinking: no, not all days are bad, Ashton, but only because of you.

a/n: hi guys! I know I said a billion years ago that I would update soon but I couldn't figure out how I wanted to string this together. Anywho, I hope you're all well! I love you guys <3 Have a good day/night! (Sorry for typos and whatnot)