This is how it usually goes: I approach them; they usually already know me and stuff, especially about my intentions or the reason for my approach and they usually just go with it; I only use a day, or an afternoon, 1-3 hours max, then boom close na kami. In those almost 2 years, I got a chance to learn how the attachment thing in humans really works. And it works… a lot, but not on all girls. They're not always the same, there are pa-hard to get and there are ones who are actually very hard to get, hard to reach, todo ng nasaktan, they've built up walls so high it's so hard to reach but I don't give up on them easily.
I remember the one before Janice, her name was Aubrey. She was sweet and all, basically girlfriend material based on what I observed, yet her trust issues was max. She didn't believe a story I told her, she showed me that she does but I know she wasn't convinced. Because she's just like me.
She never told me anything why she was like that, no backstory. which was the issue we had in between each other. I was trying to be patient with her but she wasn't with me, not even a sweat and just ghosted me. I don't see her much on campus anymore ever since the last time we talked in person, which was before the day she ghosted me. I don't know why. She's not older than me nor younger, batch lang kami but I don't know why I don't see her anymore, not even during lunch. I do see her friends, though, which are her classmates also, and she's never with them. She's studying under ABM which is just beside our building, nasa 2nd floor din anh classroom nila. One of her friends, which I think her name was Liah, she told me not to bother searching for her, not to even bother looking for her because wala na daw akong mapapala sa kaniya. She assured me that Bree is alright which I convinced myself that is enough for me.
We talked for almost 6 days. The first day was actually surprising, luck was with us that day and I remember both of us going to Dunkin and getting free donuts and the rest was just fun. The third day we started to get more personal, which was the majority about me but I tried to understand. I can't remember the rest, but the thing we had in between which was the excitement and shit, it was slowly fading. I knew that but I thought it was just because of her major trust issues, and I guess it was not.
And now, Stella. We don't talk that much but she's so easy to be with. She's not hard to talk to, she listens and we exchange conversations. She listens and shows full curiosity and interest, which was the best thing I noticed so far. I can remember having fun yesterday, we didn't get long chances to talk because the first scenes we shot were where she's in them, and I was just sitting there watching them. We talked from time to time and I don't remember anything else. I remember watching her eyes shift from my left eye to my right from time to time as she kept eye contact as the conversation went on and Daryn teasing me from time to time. Hindi ko siya pinansin. Nakakatuwa nga isipin na approved ako sa kanya, isa sa mga kaibigan niyang lalaki. Pero kay Kurt at Kiann ang hindi ko pa nasisigurado. I understand them so much, because of course, they should protect Stella from awful guys (which is not me).
I don't know what to do, actually. Because somehow I feel lost, my mind is blank and it feels like I have all of the time in the world, which felt like it was enough. I don't want to rush, somehow. I want to take my time this time because I can remember what AJ told me.
"'Di ka naman hinahabol, e bakit parang nagmamadali ka? Sa lahat ng minadali mong babae may nagtagumpay ba kahit isa? Sige nga. Pag-isipan mo. Ng mabuti, ha?" he said and that's all I can remember. I brushed the thought off my head before I slid my phone back in my pocket and headed straight towards a hallway, on my way to the main gate. Yet I feel iy vibratr once more on my lap causing me to take it out again, the lock screen is lit up while a couple of messages continue to pop up and then stopped when the messages turned to 5.
From: Stella
CHANGE LOCATION
From: Stella
SA BANDANG ENTRANCE NA LANG NG ACACIA DAAAW
