On Top Of The World

|4| does he know?

"Nah, he was already assigned to someone else," I assured.

Darius and some of the basketball players flooded into the cafeteria. Perfect timing. He must have been assigned to Kyle. Kyle's arm was over Darius' shoulder and he was laughing hard while Darius kept on a smirk.

"Maybe he'll join the team," I say, pushing my pasta around my plate.

"I'm already imagining him on the court," Dima giggles as Nalani playfully nudges him.

"Didn't you just break up with Isobel or was it Irene," Deniz smirks.

"It's hard to keep up with his slutty endeavours," Asterin adds.

"Aren't you the babydaddy?" Dima says.

"Hey, we don't slutshame here," I retort.

"Exactly," Dima agrees.

"You only say that because your literally the female version of Dima," Nalani laughs.

"Fuck off," I roll my eyes. I'm not slutty.

"You've had like how many relationships," Deniz says, "and how long did they last."

I look down at my plate holding up the finger.

"Ner is right, no slutshaming,"Divya defends, I blow her a kiss and she smiles back.

⚜️⚜️⚜️

Beep Beep

"Your mom said I can pick you up, she let your driver have a day off" Darius said pulling up beside me.

"What? ok," I got into the passenger seat and looked out the window. This is kinda awkward, why do I wanna laugh.

It seems like he noticed how awkward I felt because he asked if he could play some music, I said yes obviously then he got out his phone scrolling through what I assume is his playlist.

He starts driving out the school as the most nefarious, ear bending, diabolical piece of musical notes start pouring out of his speakers. How he could listen to this without crawling into a dark hole forever was a mystery to me but as I looked over to him and I saw him bobbing his head I knew enough was enough. I grabbed his phone and tried to turn the song off but I guess I was hypnotised because I couldn't seem to do it my only option was to power off his phone, which I gladly did.

He looked over at me, "Why did you turn off the song, the best part was coming up."

"How could you possibly like that horrible combination of musical notes, I almost ripped my ears out of it's socket, You need therapy ASAP, I refuse to believe a well functioning human being could enjoy that thing," I blurted out.

He had a smirk on during my rant and he burst out laughing when I was done.

"It's not funny, I'm worried," I say laughing along.

We both laugh until we're out of breath.
"I was waiting for you to say something, that was me testing if you were a psycho, you passed," Darius smirked.

"Fuck you, why couldn't you pick another test, I might get PTSD from that song."

"Let's hope not and no that song was a success, I'll be using it again, " He smiled turning a left.

I rolled my eyes and smiled to myself looking out the window.

⚜️⚜️⚜️

I'm dreading having to talk to Nyx but I know I have to, he deserves that much. He'll be here any second now. I'm wearing sweatpants and a white tank top and I'm beginning to second guess what I have on but what does it matter, he's my ex, nonetheless I run to my wardrobe to retrieve a plain pastel pink hoodie, I'm pretty sure my belly is protruding from the waffles I had this morning.

Almost scaring me, Nyx enters my room plopping himself next to me on my bed. There's comfortable silence as we look at eachother then my mind had to ruin it by reminding me of my chubby face and how this hairstyle makes my face look worse, I turn away.

"Why do you always do that?" Nyx asks in a calm tone.

"Do what?" I ask.

"Look away."

Because I can't help my thoughts, I don't dare tell him that though, it's embarrassing enough not being pretty enough, being insecure makes it ten times worse.

"Whatever," I roll my eyes playfully laughing it off.

He sighs,"So... are you ready."

"Yeah I am," I sit up,"Our relationship was great to start but as it went on I couldn't stand how dependent you were on weed and drugs, you were slowly killing yourself, I had to leave, you needed time to heal. Alone."

"But you realise how much it affected me when you left me without telling me why, right."

"Yes, I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault, you chose to go overboard and that's why you got sent to rehab," I conclude.

"Fuck you for saying that you of all people should know not to blame the victim," He curses.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"Nothing, bye Ner," he leaves my room slamming the door.

What does he mean? Does he know? Fuck.