Another Summer | C.F

Chapter eight

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ADDISON ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I spent the rest of the party with Jere and Steven. Conrad didn't even come near us until it was time to leave again. Steven let me sit in the front next to Jere, and now he had to deal with drunk Conrad in the backseat. At home, I went directly to the room where I found Belly.

"Hey, how was your date?"

"Cam is really nice and cute"

"There's a 'but,' isn't there?"

"But he's no Jere. I really tried to have fun with him, but all the time I just wanted him to be Jere."

"Belly, can I give you some advice?"

"Always," she smiled.

"You need to end things with Cam before he gets hurt."

"I know, it's just that I need to take someone to the ball, and the best option is to take Cam."

"Why don't you just ask Jere?"

"Because he hates those kinds of things."

"Belly, he would do anything for you. Just ask him."

"Do you think it's a good idea to talk to him right now?"

"Yeah, go and ask him."

She basically ran out of the room and left me alone in there. I just wish my love life were easier. The only thing I could do right now was to watch a movie to distract myself. I was about to start the movie when I heard someone knocking on the door.

"Come in."

The door opened, and Conrad came in.

"I'm not in the mood for talking right now. Just leave."

"Adds, listen to me, please."

"You aren't going to leave until you talk?"

"No"

"Why do you always have to make things hard for me?"

"I just want to talk to you, that's all"

"Go ahead, talk"

"I shouldn't have said those things before."

"Oh, really? You seemed so sure before."

"Stop with your fucking sarcasm right now, please. I just want to talk."

"Let's go to your room. I don't want Belly to come in and hear us fighting."

"Why are you so sure that we're going to end up fighting?"

"Conrad, let's just go to your room." I stood up from the bed and went directly to his room. "Talk."

"I don't know why you're so upset. We aren't anything."

"Are you serious right now?" I started walking to the door, but he stopped me by taking my hand.

"God, why am I so dumb when it comes to talking to you? Adds, I don't want to lose you. You're one of the most important people in my life, but you want something from me that I'm not sure if I can give you."

"I'm just asking you to be honest with me."

"It's not as easy as you may think."

"Whatever." I took my hand out of his and turned to look at the door. This time he stopped me with his voice.

"I'm sorry."

"Conrad, I've heard those fucking words way too many times in the past few days. I'm so tired of this."

"I know, I know. It's just that..." He stopped talking.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I don't know what's happened to you this year, and I've missed you so much. But right now, I'm just tired of all this. I'm tired of crying over you, and I'm tired of wanting to be with you even though you'll never see me the same way. So, please Conrad, stay away from me. I can't deal with this anymore."

"I'm just trying to protect you."

"To protect me or protect yourself?"

"I don't know. Maybe both of us."

"Why are you the one who gets to choose that?"

"Because I know what you deserve, and it's not me."

"Yeah, you're right. You're a fucking coward. You can't face this situation. You're the only one to blame for losing me. Because you already lost me."

"No, please. I don't want to lose you. I need you."

"I don't want you to need me. I'm sorry I can't be the one you can hurt a million times and then hope I will be here waiting for you."

"I just need time to figure things out. I need you to wait."

"No, Conrad."

"Please add," his voice breaks. I can't handle this. If he starts crying, I will too, and I am not willing to cry for the third time today. He takes a step closer to me. "Don't leave me."

"You need to figure out what the hell is going on. You've been pushing me away since we almost kissed, and once I decided to get away from you because it's hurting me more than you think, you just come and tell me all these things. Really? That's so selfish of you. Let me be happy."

"I will stay away from you if that's what you want."

"Thanks." And after saying that, I left his room. Seeing him like that almost breaks me. He looked so vulnerable, and I can imagine I looked the same. I need to stay as far away as I can from him. That's why I kept walking until I reached the pool, where I see Belly and Jere kissing in the pool. At least their love life is easier than mine. I didn't want to interrupt them, so without making any sound, I continued walking toward the beach. This has become my place, the only place I feel free, the only place I can think.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

When it was almost two in the morning, I returned to the house, even though I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. I knew it was time to go back. Everything was so quiet. When I entered the room, I noticed that Belly was already asleep. So, I lay on my bed, put my headphones on and started listening to music. While doing that, I repeated over and over the last conversations I had with Conrad, the one in the car and in his room. Even though I'm mad at him, I really want to know what's going on with him. I still care about that guy, and I always will.

He was my first love, the first man I ever fell in love with. Part of me knows it will always be him, and even though my head tells me the best thing is to get away from him, my heart hopes that one day I will be with him. Even though I say I will not wait anymore, part of me will always wait for him.