❖His Gem♦💎♦Ashtray❖

I'm My Own Kind of F💎cked Up

"Just, be careful out there." I chuckle into my cup, drinking some.

"I'll pretend to try, for your sake. Now go find yourself a date." I smile innocently, her sighing as she shakes her head.

"Me? What about you? Where's Aaash~?" She sang out teasingly. I sucked my teeth, looking away from her. I've been friends with Lexi for a while now, obviously, it's bound to have come up at some point that I had feelings for Ash.

"Girl, stop! Get outta here with that." I smiled, eyes scanning the area, subconsciously looking for the one we speak of, even if I knew he was by the pool, which was also the one direction I didn't actually look in. I raised the cup, hiding my face from her as she laughs.

"Oh, but you two are so cute together." She teases more. She's.. I don't think she's ever seen us together, actually.

"You've never seen us together?!" I yell incredulously. She smiles, evilly and innocently at the same time.

"I like to use my imagination. I can picture you two holding hands, and all "Oh I love you" "No, I love you more." Oh o-" My brow twitched at her baby voices she used, her reacting.. something between Ash and me. Which, I mean, maybe there was, I guess. Or maybe it's just me liking him and him not having anything better to do.

I forced a playful smile, nudging her some. I shook my head at her.

"So not what happens." She laughs out some, causing me to nod my head sarcastically at her as she continues laughing for a brief moment. She giggles at the end, nudging my shoulder after calming down.

"Thanks for distracting me from all this Cassie stuff. Your right though, we should hang out more. I feel like I haven't seen you much lately." She's not wrong. Since the school dance, where I just left on her, I haven't really seen her in person. We text, but usually I'm at the store, or the boy's house. I haven't gone home. That place makes me sick.. Sick to my stomach.

     My mother followed us.. More importantly my father led the trail. He led her right to us.. and wanted us to forgive her. To help her. No.. No, fuck that. Fuck her. Screw my dad for bringing her there. Screw Jules, for, for.. I don't know. For, using the fucking stupid app! For fucking Cal fucking Jacobs. For running away. For pissing Nate off- No! That's on him. Don't blame Jules, because Nate's a bitch.. She did fuck his daddy though.. And he fucked a minor, cheated on his wife, and clearly hid shit from his family..

Soo..

"Yeah, maybe we can hang out this weekend or something?" I forced a smile, coming back to reality as I noticed I was making Lexi wait. She smiled brightly, nodding.

"Yeah, definitely. I'm gonna go sit, if you wanna join me." I forced another small smile, gesturing to my cup.

"I uh.. I think I'm gonna get a refill first or something. Besides, aren't you supposed to be finding someone?" I joked, reminding her of my taunting earlier. She gave a sarcastic half smile, waving it off.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't forget to text me if you see Cassie though." I nod, watching her make her way through the crowd towards the couch in the back. I frowned shortly after she left, looking down at my cup. My negative thoughts returning and coming back stronger as I'm left alone in the middle of the sea of people.

   I threw my cup back, chugging the last of my drink quickly. The urge to keep filling my cup hitting me stronger. I faltered in my step for a moment, a horrible thought coming to mind. Me, reminding myself of my mother's alcoholism. Making me just hate myself more as I felt my stomach drop at the comparison.

   I shook the thoughts away angrily as I made my way for the kitchen. She was a bad person even if she wasn't a fucking drunk. She said and done plenty when she wasn't shit face, before she even started drinking as heavy as she did

I'm nothing like her. I'm my own fuck up.